Out of Puff.

I know now's not a good time to feel defeated, but I do.

It doesn't help that my main source of income - Mostly Comedy - is on enforced hiatus (although I've been predominantly ploughing money into it lately) or that the Bath Comedy Festival and Brighton Fringe have both been postponed until after Edinburgh (the thing they were in the diary to prepare for, although there's currently a big question mark hanging over that too).

On top of that, there's my ongoing situation with an unaccountable relative, which involves so much scapegoating and negative reinforcement, the best course of action is to step away entirely before you're enveloped in the blame-game; it must be nice to be so guilt-free.

But there's more to it than that: I'm tired of feeling like nothing's going anywhere. Being self-employed for eighteen years requires an iron constitution and endless energy, and frankly, I'm spent. I miss the collaboration that went with being in a band or a double-act - before they became things in name only - and long for a good agent again to fight my corner for me too. But I'm also bored with having to work hard to be taken seriously, while simultaneously feeling like everything I do's pointless and I don't work hard enough. And having that reinforced by my current situation's something I could do without.

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