The Twinkliest Crime-Solving Doctor.


I have a bit of a guilty pleasure. Well, I say that it's guilty: I’ve only prefaced it with this because I’m afraid of what you might think.

I’m a bit of a fan of Diagnosis Murder.

Actually, I’m quite a lot of a fan. So much so that I own a couple of the DVD box-sets. They're not mine, technically: they were presents for my girlfriend. It’s a good job she likes it too; if she didn’t, I doubt I’d find a member of the opposite sex who’d be prepared to see past it.

Don’t get me wrong: I know it’s not exactly gritty. That’s part of the appeal. It isn’t challenging – but has enough of a storyline to keep you interested. It’s straightforward entertainment; not afraid to play for laughs when necessary.

The thing that always draws me back is its central performer, Dick Van Dyke.

I think he's truly underrated. He’s the physical embodiment of versatility: the sort of performer who could never look out of his depth. He comes from a bygone world of entertainment, when performers were all-rounders; as capable at singing as they were at dancing, acting or writing.

What's often forgotten is he's actually a very good actor. He may be most known for his lighter work, but he can also play nasty; his portrayal of the murderer Paul Galesko in the 1974 Columbo episode 'Negative Reaction' is a good example.

(I know my murder mysteries. Although technically, this one isn't a mystery; like most episodes of Columbo, you know who did it from the start.)

People often knock him for his accent in Mary Poppins. It may not be particularly authentic, but does that matter? We're not talking about Guy Richie's 'Snatch'. As an all-round performance, it’s pretty faultless; worth it for his dance with the animated penguins alone.

Could you imagine anyone else in the role? (That's a rhetorical question.)

He also has a lovely singing voice. Take Hushabye Mountain, for instance; his tone has a timbre that’s both comforting and emotive.

What’s particularly impressive is he’s still out there doing his thing: still acting, singing and dancing, despite being just a few days shy of his eighty-eighth birthday. I hope I possess half of his verve and energy in my old-age. I can’t even tap dance now, damn it.

It’s a shame that they’re no longer showing Diagnosis Murder on terrestrial television. I used to set my timer to record them each day; storing them up for the occasional Mark Sloan binge.

I guess there are worse things to be addicted to.

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