As I tentatively start to get my head around my creative plans for the year, there's a definite weariness attached to my long self-reliance and a longing for a time when someone else invests their energy and enthusiasm in what I'm doing, rather than having to generate that interest myself.
It's ultimately boring to be the sole poster-campaign for yourself, not to mention dispiriting, while the energy and selective-deafness required is huge; being a self-employed performer requires endless patience and a fair amount of self-belief, particularly when pitted against the lack of financial security and the amount of work you put in for little tangible result. Being an actor and musician is one thing - and a marginally easier field to earn a living in - but when you throw self-producing Fringe comedian in to the mix, the amount of money you supposedly invest in what you do is insane compared with the money you get out.
What I crave is a little outside belief; I know I'm capable and have done reasonably well in my field as a jack-of-all-trades performer, but the vast percentage of the work I've done was generated or found by myself. I've had three agents since I left drama school - one of which only represented me for commercials - but I can honestly say only one of them was good, and they were my first. In fact we only parted company when the agent was forced to retire for family reasons; if it weren't for that, it's pretty likely they'd still represent me today, based on the excellent work they did in the short period I was on their books and our great relationship. Since my career moved naturally toward comedy, I've sought an agent who can get me the TV acting work I struggle to get alone, while understanding the bigger picture and being able to join the dots between the various job titles separated by backslashes (actor / musician / comedian / writer); you'd think for the seventeen years I've consistently done what I do that wouldn't be such an odd request.
It's ultimately boring to be the sole poster-campaign for yourself, not to mention dispiriting, while the energy and selective-deafness required is huge; being a self-employed performer requires endless patience and a fair amount of self-belief, particularly when pitted against the lack of financial security and the amount of work you put in for little tangible result. Being an actor and musician is one thing - and a marginally easier field to earn a living in - but when you throw self-producing Fringe comedian in to the mix, the amount of money you supposedly invest in what you do is insane compared with the money you get out.
What I crave is a little outside belief; I know I'm capable and have done reasonably well in my field as a jack-of-all-trades performer, but the vast percentage of the work I've done was generated or found by myself. I've had three agents since I left drama school - one of which only represented me for commercials - but I can honestly say only one of them was good, and they were my first. In fact we only parted company when the agent was forced to retire for family reasons; if it weren't for that, it's pretty likely they'd still represent me today, based on the excellent work they did in the short period I was on their books and our great relationship. Since my career moved naturally toward comedy, I've sought an agent who can get me the TV acting work I struggle to get alone, while understanding the bigger picture and being able to join the dots between the various job titles separated by backslashes (actor / musician / comedian / writer); you'd think for the seventeen years I've consistently done what I do that wouldn't be such an odd request.