Don't Give Me Any Lip (Part 1)
I recently bought some Lanolips lip balm on my wife's suggestion to help protect me while I'm out walking the dog in the cold and, in doing so, I noticed the smallprint on the side of the tube say the product has 101 uses.
Now, while it's fair to say I'm very pleased with my purchase, I can still smell hyperbole a mile off, and can't help but feel they may have plucked that figure out of thin air just to please themselves. So consequently, in an occasional series, I'm going to try and count the amount of uses that spring to mind, to find out if they're lying or telling the truth.
So here goes:
1) Lip salve.
2) Skin moisturiser.
3) Teeth polisher (horrible noise).
4) Stamp sticker-downer.
5) Moustache wax.
6) Eyebrow wax.
7)Nail varnish.
8)Vick's vaporub substitute.
9).Shoe polish (you'd need a lot).
10) Coin polish.
11) Brass polish.
13) POLISH.
14) WD40 substitute.
15) Elbow grease.
16) Blutack substitute (will grease up posters)
17) Finger moistener for wine glass rim-playing.
18) Mouse sex lube (will also suit other small mammals).
19) Invisible ink.
20) Jewelry loosener.
21) Keyhole maintainer.
22) Soft focus lens adapter (when filming Robert Redford).
23) Prostate examination-enabler (doesn't bear much thought).
24) Frosted glass-creator.
25) Replacement for the apricot jam when icing a cake.
26) Page-turning aid.
27) Candlemaking material.
28) Earwax substitute.
29) Baking tray / tin greaser.
30) Doorknob slippy-maker (when you want to prevent people getting in).
31) Decadent Prittstick.
And with that last comment, 'decadent Prittstick' (which sounds like some kind of slightly poncy 1970s pop group) I shall pause my little tally for the moment; all I can say is I hope I can actually prove the people at Lanolips right; I'd much rather get to that grand total by honest means than believe they're out-and-out searching for it.
Now, while it's fair to say I'm very pleased with my purchase, I can still smell hyperbole a mile off, and can't help but feel they may have plucked that figure out of thin air just to please themselves. So consequently, in an occasional series, I'm going to try and count the amount of uses that spring to mind, to find out if they're lying or telling the truth.
So here goes:
1) Lip salve.
2) Skin moisturiser.
3) Teeth polisher (horrible noise).
4) Stamp sticker-downer.
5) Moustache wax.
6) Eyebrow wax.
7)Nail varnish.
8)Vick's vaporub substitute.
9).Shoe polish (you'd need a lot).
10) Coin polish.
11) Brass polish.
13) POLISH.
14) WD40 substitute.
15) Elbow grease.
16) Blutack substitute (will grease up posters)
17) Finger moistener for wine glass rim-playing.
18) Mouse sex lube (will also suit other small mammals).
19) Invisible ink.
20) Jewelry loosener.
21) Keyhole maintainer.
22) Soft focus lens adapter (when filming Robert Redford).
23) Prostate examination-enabler (doesn't bear much thought).
24) Frosted glass-creator.
25) Replacement for the apricot jam when icing a cake.
26) Page-turning aid.
27) Candlemaking material.
28) Earwax substitute.
29) Baking tray / tin greaser.
30) Doorknob slippy-maker (when you want to prevent people getting in).
31) Decadent Prittstick.
And with that last comment, 'decadent Prittstick' (which sounds like some kind of slightly poncy 1970s pop group) I shall pause my little tally for the moment; all I can say is I hope I can actually prove the people at Lanolips right; I'd much rather get to that grand total by honest means than believe they're out-and-out searching for it.
