Today's Blog is CANCELLED.
I sometimes
wonder if I only make arrangements to give me something else to find difficult
to pull out of last-minute.
Tonight’s a case in point. I was meant to go to my meditation class, which has just
started up again after its half term break, but as my departure time drew
closer, I began to um and ah about whether I wanted to go. I had good reason:
I’m planning to attend an open mic gig in London tomorrow in hope of
picking up a walk-in spot to try out some material, and because I’m meeting up
with a friend during the day, I won’t have much time to prepare for it. I’d
meant to do more work on my set today, but because I met up with another friend – yes, I have two - I didn’t get as much done as I’d
like. I suddenly realised that if I didn’t attend the class tonight, I’d get
the chance to run my set, and write this, and not feel so pressured tomorrow.
The problem is,
if I don’t do something I’m meant to, I feel very guilty about it. I start to
worry about whether I've made the right choice. Will tonight’s meditation
class be the one that changes my life? Will my teacher pull me to one
side and slip me the answer to existence?
I tend to see things
as either black or white, or all or nothing. I forget that there are always
shades of grey. I lose track of the fact I have a right to choose. I don’t
have to go to any class if I don’t
want to, and I don’t even need a reason. Missing one event won’t be my biggest
mistake.
A wise man once
said, “Other than the end of the world, nothing’s the end of the world”. That
wise man was me. Wise, as in ‘wise guy’.