Strictly Come Tweeting (14.11.15)


Tonight's evening in the Ephgrave household (flat) consisted of eating cheese and biscuits – like the aspirational middle-class people we are – and watching Strictly – like our inner Plebeians. See below for the usual Twitter-based nonsense; how much sense it makes out of context is up to interpretation.


           6:55pm: Len could at least have the decency to get up off his seat.
6:56pm: "Singer and loose woman, Jamelia."
7:00pm: By being on TV tonight, Gleb just made fifteen million female viewers pregnant.
7:01pm: We've all seen Gleb in the park on a Saturday night, haven't we? HAVEN'T WE?
7:03pm: Bruno's 'Gleb / park' quip may have been an invitation.
7:07pm: Jay's dance started with some serious chest-thrusting-out-in-a-waistcoat action.
7:10pm: He missed Hans at the end? I must have missed Hans too.
7:10pm: Jay's neckwear: tie of a cravat? You decide.
7:12pm: Jay's compass tattoo has no inner workings.
7:17pm: I suspect @glyndoggett will be passionately miming along to the falsetto bits during Jamelia's dance.
7:18pm: Unnecessary Grinding: a magazine I subscribe to.
7:22pm: Tess may have her voice back this week, but she's lost her hairbrush.
7:24pm: One judge on each end of the chiffon then.
7:27pm: "Get them up the M1". Euphemism?
7:32pm: The split in Katie Derham's skirt is so high, it's actually above her head.
7:33pm: I don't like rumba's and I'm not Anton and Katie's biggest fan, but I have to say, I quite liked that.
7:34pm: I also don't like the misplaced apostrophe in my last tweet.
7:40pm: Please can we have a Mark Benton cameo during Kevin & Kellie's dance?
7:48pm: You're My World = GREAT SONG.
7:50pm: I liked how at the end of Peter & Janette's routine they cleaned the floor with her dress. Nice touch.
7:58pm: I was terrified for Georgia during that lift. Madness.
8:05pm: I feel for the singer having to do a Paul Weller impression. Proof of their versatility.
8:08pm: I had pyrotechnics blasting from both ends once. Horrific.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Image
Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more

Hoo-ray and up She Rises.

So much has happened since my last post in March that this blog risks sounding like an itinerary. The main news is that Hitchin Mostly Comedy will return in the summer at a new venue, the Queen Mother Theatre . The road to this decision was convoluted, though enough fell into place en route to leave me optimistic about this new start. The catalyst was a survey I ran via our mailing list a few months back, in which I asked, "If the club returned in the current climate, with tickets still around £15 (and with similar line-ups), would you still attend?"; the response to which, in simple terms, was a resounding yes. Nearly 250 mailing list subscribers responded in a single week, with around a hundred also taking the option to leave some feedback. And only two people were abusive, which counts as a win when you consider they posted their comments online anonymously. Imagine how many more insults we would have received if the comedy club was a woman. Particularly if she was Diane ...
Read more