Skip to main content

The Walrus Was David.


Last night, I had a very bizarre but exciting dream (don’t worry, it wasn’t sexual). I dreamt that I had been secretly drafted in to replace Paul McCartney in The Beatles.

The swap was top secret. Not even John, George or Ringo knew anything about it. Presumably, my subconscious assumed that none of the Fab Four were particularly observant. The only person that was in on it was their producer, George Martin – who took me to one side when the others weren’t looking and congratulated me on a sterling effort.

The only thing that Sir George was unhappy with was my hairstyle, which was exactly the same as it is in real life. He told me to brush it forward. I took his advice, though it wasn’t quite long enough to pull the style off.

(Trust my subconscious to put such a mundane fly in the ointment.)

It was a bit like Quantum Leap, only without Dean Stockwell cropping up to smoke a cigar and fiddle with his little electrical device. Most of the action took place in Abbey Road Studios. At one point I was recording the vocal to Eleanor Rigby; doing my best Macca impression to a string octet accompaniment.

When I woke up, I was very disappointed. Until then, I hadn’t questioned the reality of the situation. I’d just been asked to play bass in the most successful band of all time; nothing to write home about.

Hopefully tonight I'll dream that I'm the frontman of Wings.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...