Skip to main content

Epitaphgrave.


This morning, when walking through Hitchin Cemetery, I spotted an epitaph which read, ‘In the midst of life, we are in death’.

Though a graveyard isn’t the place for levity, that sounded too depressing. Wouldn’t it be more positive if the ‘death’ and ‘life’ were switched?
  
I’ve since looked it up and discovered it’s based on a Latin phrase, that often crops up in hymns or sermons; you learn something new every day. Seeing it engraved on a moss-covered stone led me to think what would be appropriate for me.

My all-time favourite belongs to Spike Milligan, whose gravestone states ‘I told you I was ill’. 

(I'll just let that sink in.)

It never fails to raise a smile. It’s as if his entire life was the set-up for the most glorious of punchlines. What could be a more fitting tribute to a man who so many laugh for so long?

Unfortunately, a compromise was made; to please the local diocese, it had to be inscribed in Gaelic. That's a bit of a shame. I think it should be in keeping with the person; if you’re true to yourself for all of your life, why shouldn’t you be the same in death?
  
I’ve always found those old-fashioned stones darkly amusing; the ones inscribed along the lines of ‘For Sarah, the loving wife of Thomas Smith’. To not get full billing on your own grave must be a little disappointing. 

What if your partner dies first? You'd end up like a macabre support act.

(Sorry: that's a little bit dark. Also, trust me to think like a performer.)

I like the idea of having something gently funny, though I doubt I’ll ever be able to better a Goon. Perhaps something sinister, like ‘I’M WATCHING YOU’; or optimistic, like ‘BACK IN FIVE MINUTES’.

(That would only apply if your name was Jesus.)

Maybe I’ll just opt for ‘TWAT’. It wouldn’t cost much, if they charge per letter.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...