The Shoe People.

I spotted this on the footpath on my way into town this morning:


Nothing beats the sight of your first autumnal croc of the year.

Stumbling across this single, solitary example of tasteless middle-class footwear called to mind a question I’ve been pondering for ages: why do you often see discarded shoes by the roadside?

I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve seen this (not that I was knowingly keeping tally). I could probably count the occasions a shoe slipped off in public on the fingers of one hand (at the time of writing I have four fingers on each). Most took place at secondary school, when some wiseguy or girl snuck up behind me; walking too close on purpose, so they could step on the back of one and force it off. Even then, with the threat of mocking voices hanging over my head, I’d still take the time to stop and slip it back on again.

I’ve never been in such a hurry that I haven’t had time to do this. Surely no-one’s schedule is that hectic.

The strangest thing about ‘street shoes’ is they seldom come in pairs. The culprits must have noticed when one of them slipped off; you don’t have to be looking at your feet to know you’ve got both shoes on. It’s not the sort of thing you only become aware of when bending down to tie your laces.

You usually see them by the motorway. I guess this makes some sense; if you’re darting across a busy road you mightn't have the time to pick them up. That said, it's not the speed you’re walking that determines whether a shoe stays on or off; if that was the case, cross-country running would be a nightmare. 

If this is a regular occurrence, then your shoes must be a couple of sizes too big.

Even if the owners weren't wearing them it doesn't make much sense. There can't be many situations where you'd need to get rid of your footwear so urgently that hurling them from the window of a speeding car is the best option. Unless you'd battered someone to death with them. Don't these people have access to a bin? 

If there's any correlation between all these abandoned shoes and the kestrels that hover by the roadside, I might be on the brink of discovering something sinister.

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