For some reason I'm never able to make people understand what I’m
saying.
It happens all
the time, so much so that I’ve started to account for it. I’ll walk into a
situation with a readily-prepared statement in my head – and consciously take
my time when saying it; trying to allow for the inevitable confusion that
follows in my wake.
Even all this
forward-thinking doesn’t seem to help; more often than not, I still end
up with conversational egg all over my face.
It occurs most
frequently in bars and restaurants. A good example took place a couple of months
ago. I’d met up with a friend in a local pub - and, as I’m generally not
drinking alcohol at the moment, I decided to have a hot drink instead.
I walked up to
the side of the bar where the coffee machine was situated. Behind it stood a big sign that said ‘Speciality Teas Available’. I’m a bit of a herbal tea
nut, so this was right up my street.
A surly,
monosyllabic barman loitered over. I didn’t know he was monosyllabic yet,
admittedly, but from the looks of him the chance was high.
“Yeah?” he said (I was right.)
“Hi there. What
teas do you do?”
He looked at me
like I’d just shat in his mouth. “What?”
(Never had so much
venom been concentrated in so few letters.)
“I just…wondered
what teas you do”, I replied, losing faith. “The sign says you do
different teas.”
His face screwed
up with a mix of confusion and derision. “Just...TEA,” he spat.
All while the large sign behind him contradicted what he was saying, in big, jolly writing.
I guess part of
the problem lies in asking for something that’s a little unexpected. This was definitely
the case this morning, when I popped into my local garage to do some shopping.
A few days ago I
bought a Kit Kat from the same garage - and, on opening the wrapper, I
discovered that I’d instantly won another; an offer that can be redeemed at
selected stores. I’d been carrying the wrapper around ever since. As I’d
bought the Kit Kat from the same place, I thought I’d see if I could claim it
while I was there.
“Hi there. I won
a Kit Kat in a wrapper the other day," I said. "Can I claim them here?”
"Pardon?"
"I won another Kit-Kat in a wrapper I bought here the other day. Do you do that promotion here?"
Perhaps in future
I’ll just do all my shopping on the internet.