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Environmentally Yours.


This morning I increased the planet’s life expectancy by a few minutes, by taking out four boxes-worth of recycling. 

(There’s no need to thank me.)

There were no collection points within walking distance of my house until recently - which, as a non-driver, made recycling very inconvenient. The length of time I'd stockpile cardboard made me worry I was doing more bad for the environment than good.

Now we have a full range of green, brown and purple bins mere yards from my back door, allowing me to recycle as often as I like – feeling every bit of a small-scale hero in the process.

Despite it being so convenient, I still have a habit of letting my waste build up (a horrific mental image) – and as I took my third or fourth box-full out this morning, I had a sudden flashback to the first song I wrote, while I was still at junior school.

I was ten years old and already in my first band. We were called Thunder & Lightning (a name cribbed from the lyrics of Bohemian Rhapsody) – and played a mix of Beatles, Queen and Deep Purple songs, thanks to the influence of our drummer, Dan Stutley. 

Dan had impressively long hair for a ten-year-old - and was already reading the books of Stephen King. Dan was as cool as a cucumber.

The band sounds a lot more impressive than it actually was; we’d often just jam along with the original records and not contribute much ourselves. Still, ten-year-olds of the Eighties were not supposed to be familiar with that sort of music.

Our instrumentation was a little eccentric; we were still at junior school, after all, so only had access to the contents of the music cupboard. I was on a mix of piano, vibraphone and percussion – and I bloody rocked at it.

Every couple of terms St Nicholas JMI staged a school production, with each class contributing a short scene relating to a central theme – and the topic chosen for my penultimate year was the environment.

Inspired by the subject (and by the title of a book I had spotted on the Puffin Book Club leaflet) – I decided to try and write a song for it, called Environmentally Yours.



That night after school (I say ‘night’; it must have been about 4:30om) I set to work with the help of my earliest collaborator – my dad – and together we worked something up.

I can only remember a chunk of the lyrics now – and even that is a bit of a mishmash. It was something like this:

Squashing cans and bottle banks,
Making things look new.
The world could be a better place
But it’s up to me and you.

Maybe with the help of us,
The world could end up good.
That is what we really want
and wouldn’t that be good.

There’s no time to delay
To save our seas and shores.
Why? Because the world
Is environmentally yours.

It wasn’t worthy of Lennon & McCartney, but it wasn’t bad for a first attempt.

Over the weeks that followed the band rehearsed it up – and when we played it to our teacher, Mr Pritchard, he said it would be perfect for our class’ contribution to the show.

Somewhere amongst my old belongings there's a cassette tape of the performance – with my class singing mine and my dad’s lyrics, to Thunder & Lightning's accompaniment. It was a low-key entrance in to the world of show business, but it was an entrance, nevertheless.

One of these days I’ll have to track it down.

I used to think that Mr Pritchard didn’t like me. He described me in my school report as having “a sense of humour so dry it's barely noticeable”, and said I was sarcastic enough to be a comedian.

It turns out that Mr Pritchard was pretty damn astute.

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