Paused.

I'm at a bit of a loss over what to do next, due to the lost momentum in my work-life and the emotional difficulties of my current situation.

The cancellation of Edinburgh was nigh-on unavoidable, but while going ahead was already on a knife-edge because of my dad's death, the removal of the project I'd kept at least one eye on throughout the latter stages of his illness took away the opportunity to deflect some of the pain with work; doing it was something he was very much behind too, so taking it out of the diary was an extra wrench.

I also pulled out to give myself time to rebuild, following the stress of my dad's deterioration, although the month that followed offered little opportunity. I have moments when I honestly don't know how to deal with what's being thrown my way. A disagreement over the principle behind what my dad didn't know when he wrote his Will looks set to drone on indefinitely, with the other party unwilling to acknowledge events or conversations around it in fear of conceding to a slightly different deal; something that's made grimmer in light of the long-term suffering they caused in my childhood, which has since been branded as "ridiculous". Even I never thought they'd do that.

So I find myself in a world where a person I might turn to for help is hurting me the most. And they're prepared to dismiss every negative action in a heartbeat if it best serves their interests. And they know the risk involved, yet they still put themselves first; meanwhile, I'm still trying to fight my dad's and my corner, knowing every word I say - which I'm entitled to say - will only make them angrier.

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