Establishing Boundaries Where Borders Aren't Allowed.

I feel like my life's on pause. 

My impetus has gone at the moment. It's almost impossible to see beyond the mess I'm in, to a time when I can live in my dad's house and look to the future, while still allowing space for my past to be important. 

Creatively, I have no interest in work; in fact, it's not that I'm disinterested, I just can't concentrate on anything. I'm already anxious about Thursday's Mostly Comedy; I have no desire to be funny and I'm certainly not match-fit. Hopefully, Glyn and I can just stick to some well-trodden material so I don't have to perform on my own.

It's daunting to be back in a situation where the past threatens to overwhelm my present, and all because what I suffered - both as a child and as an adult - has been rendered unimportant by someone who hasn't the right to do that. And that person - who never played by the rules or tried to meet other people's expectations - continues to act as rote: they're the most important and their requirements must be met, even when they are impossible. And they'll never understand the time and mental energy they've taken and continue to take, though not for much longer: for what they stand to lose will be their fault, and their inability to dial down the tension or take responsibility will ultimately be the reason they lose me.

 To keep someone in your life shouldn't take this much work.

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