Skip to main content

#6WordFilmPlots


I like to join in with the odd Twitter hashtag game from time to time.

It’s a good way to distract yourself from whatever you should be doing. Why work when you can spend the time coming up with dodgy puns? It’s the closest I’ll get to writing headlines for The Sun, which is probably for the best. It’s not clever, yet it’s satisfying. You could apply that to both.

The game I enjoyed the most was #6WordFilmPlots. It appealed to my obsession with conciseness. It’s something I aspire to. Sometimes I’m good at it, sometimes I’m not. I enjoyed the concept so much, I saved my Tweets to remember them. Here are a few:


·      Man-child plays giant piano with feet. #6wordfilmplots
·      Italian-American cabbie shows dissatisfaction with job. #6wordfilmplots
·      Phallic-named whale escapes Sealife Centre. #6wordfilmplots
·      Special needs man sits on bench. #6wordfilmplots
·      Hairy dad disguised as Scottish nanny. #6wordfilmplots
·      Frustrated novelist becomes hotel caretaker; mistake. #6wordfilmplots
·      Ship sinks; mono-browed Lamont lookalike dies. #6wordfilmplots
·      Blues musicians with photophobia reform band. #6wordfilmplots
·      No-one talks for duration; everyone applauds. #6wordfilmplots
·      Shitload of birds descend upon town. #6wordfilmplots
·      Ginger afroed orphan befriends bald millionaire. #6wordfilmplots
·      '80s Bowie wears exceptionally tight trousers. #6wordfilmplots
·      Temporarily disabled photographer becomes Peeping Tom. #6wordfilmplots
·      Pissed neckless alien bumps into fridge. #6wordfilmplots
·      Bloke who's dead thinks he isn't. #6wordfilmplots
·      Prisoner climbs through hole behind poster. #6wordfilmplots
·      Knifey hotelier dresses as own mother. #6wordfilmplots
·      Scottish people take lots of drugs. #6wordfilmplots
·      It's 1985, then 1955, then 1985. #6wordfilmplots
·      1985, 2015, bad 1985, 1955, 1885. #6wordfilmplots
·      It's 1955, then 1885, then 1985. #6wordfilmplots
·      Cute when dry. Nightmare when wet. #6wordfilmplots
·      Transvestite musicians avoid man in spats. #6wordfilmplots
·      A much longer episode of Porridge. #6wordfilmplots
·      Criminals drive minis proficiently; not coaches. #6wordfilmplots
·      Animated donkey Eddie Murphy feigns likeability. #6wordfilmplots

Laziest. Blog. EVER.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

'...I'm Gonna Look at You 'til My Eyes Go Blind."

Over the past week or two, I’ve been on a bit of a Sheryl Crow kick, largely thanks to rediscovering her cover of one of my most-liked Bob Dylan songs. She has one of my favourite female voices, yet despite this, I only own one CD and that’s just a single (her '97 release ‘Hard to Make a Stand’); on that basis, you can only imagine how much of her back catalogue I’d own if I hated her (it would fall into minus-figures). Dylan, conversely, takes up more of my collection than anyone else, save The Beatles and Paul McCartney’s solo work. He’s one of those artists who, when you get him, you really get him - and once I’d tuned into his style as a student, I'd time and again be blown away by his lyrics; he’ll have more jaw-dropping imagery in one track than other people fit in a whole career. These days, I mostly listen to music in the morning when getting ready, and more often than not, this will consist of a suggested YouTube playlist when I’m in the bath, r...

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...