Podcarcissist.

I'm at the very early stages of planning a new podcast about narcissistic abuse, and I'm quite excited about it.

It's a subject I'm still getting to grips with, though the act of reading up on it (and talking to other people who've experienced it) is helping me come to terms with it. Every day, I learn little details that put what's happened into perspective. And while I'm still delicate, there's been progress.

Just today, I had a mini-revelation that took a little weight off. I was watching a video from a series recommended by a friend that was discussing toxic logic when the penny finally dropped on the common point that narcissists have no empathy and no rules apply to them. While I'd read that frequently and even remarked about it, I hadn't processed it, because it's such an alien concept when you are empathetic.

So much of the pain comes from asking the question, "Why me?" and "Why wasn't I enough?" But once you understand it literally doesn't matter how you're related to someone with that mindset, they'll never empathise with you (or give your rights equal billing) you get a release. Just because their behaviour isn't normal doesn't mean it's your fault. And only applying rules to other people and not themselves is ludicrous; you can't rationalise with that.

Coming back to the podcast, I'm sure it will aid my recovery. The person I'm collaborating with has a wealth of experience on the topic (the lucky thing) and how to aid recovery from it. We plan to approach it with humour and not make it about playing the victim or apportioning blame. If it isn't cathartic, I'll eat my hat. And if it helps others get cope too, then we'll be winning.

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