Set to Stun.

Yesterday, I used the example of Star Trek's "redshirts" trope in my therapy appointment after my therapist suggested I'm too intent on trying to solve my current problems myself, instead of handing them to someone more qualified to deal with them (in this case, the solicitor I've taken on to negotiate issues relating to my dad's estate).

If you're not familiar with the principle, it's simple: whenever the crew land on a mysterious alien planet, it's always the cast-members dressed in red and not blue - the actors with a handful of IMDB credits as opposed to Shatner, Nimoy or Kelly - who walk headfirst into danger to meet a sticky end. This happens often enough not to be a primary-coloured coincidence and is so common a plot-point to have inspired a comic novel of the same name. 

While I'd usually agree with this summation, I know it doesn't apply in this instance, as things have been so terrible since my dad's death, I crave distance from my situation like Forrest Gump hankers for a cross-country run. To stay close would make me a glutton for punishment or a sadist, depending on how you view it, and I swear I'm not seeking either out. And every time I try to guide the situation back to normality, I'm scuppered without fail, so I'd much rather hand the finer details to a solicitor than be drawn into the fray personally when the situation's so grim.

That's not to say I don't have an inbuilt desire to justify my meaning, but while that may be my kneejerk reaction, even I can see it only works if the other party's willing to listen and be open to the possibility that mistakes were made. And not only am I dealing with someone who won't do this, but they're also literally unable to own up to anything (plus they appear to be out to punish me for reminding them of what they did themselves).

 The upshot is I have to keep this stuff at arms' length to cope with it. If I let the enormity of what I'm being faced with sink in, it could overwhelm me, so that's why I won't be putting my red shirt on any time soon.

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