Skip to main content

Long Overdue.


There’s something unsavoury about borrowing FHM from the library.

Not that I've ever done this, but if I wanted to, I could. I rejoined my local library last weekend, after a twenty-year hiatus – and on doing so, I spotted For Him Magazine on a spinny stand by the doorway (presumably positioned there to aid a fast exit). It’s not the sort of thing I expected to be stocked, which goes to show how much libraries have changed since I was a kid. I can’t imagine who'd want to take it out.

FHM isn’t exactly high literature, other than where you might expect to see it in an uptight newsagent's. It’s barely reading matter. If you’d sooner borrow a much-thumbed copy than pay £3.99 for an issue of your own, you’re as tight as you are brave. I couldn't face a librarian’s judgement.

The reason for my extended bibliothèque break was fear. The last time I tried to draw something out, I was accused of having kept hold of a book for months that I swore I'd never had. It was a manual for a make of keyboard I didn’t own. Why would I want to read that? It defies logic. From then on, Stevenage Library was a no-go area. I couldn’t even risk using the one in Hitchin, because it fell under the same catchment. Any book I read would have to be bought with cold hard cash.

I decided to bite the bullet on Saturday and try registering again. Maybe they wouldn’t link present day David Ephgrave with the David Ephgrave of the past. Unfortunately, they did, though they were happy to overlook it. I can now revel in the joy of taking books out again. I wonder if they've got anything good on Nineties' keyboards.
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

'...I'm Gonna Look at You 'til My Eyes Go Blind."

Over the past week or two, I’ve been on a bit of a Sheryl Crow kick, largely thanks to rediscovering her cover of one of my most-liked Bob Dylan songs. She has one of my favourite female voices, yet despite this, I only own one CD and that’s just a single (her '97 release ‘Hard to Make a Stand’); on that basis, you can only imagine how much of her back catalogue I’d own if I hated her (it would fall into minus-figures). Dylan, conversely, takes up more of my collection than anyone else, save The Beatles and Paul McCartney’s solo work. He’s one of those artists who, when you get him, you really get him - and once I’d tuned into his style as a student, I'd time and again be blown away by his lyrics; he’ll have more jaw-dropping imagery in one track than other people fit in a whole career. These days, I mostly listen to music in the morning when getting ready, and more often than not, this will consist of a suggested YouTube playlist when I’m in the bath, r...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more