The thing that made this year bearable for me was, without a doubt, meditation.
If it hadn't been for the often-weekly Zoom classes run by the Letchworth Centre of Healthy Living, I wouldn't have leant so heavily into the gift of space and perspective that meditation can give. It was all about grounding for me and quieting the noise and the anxiety. Of course, it doesn't take your problems away, but it creates a little breathing space to consider them with equanimity. And that's a useful tool to have in your arsenal.
(Insert euphemism here.)
The problem for me is my deeply ingrained fear and depression, which is hard to work around. I hate how depression zaps so much energy from me. It stagnates my creativity and fucks with my sense of self-worth; something which has become harder to sidestep in the past year, although I'm determined not to let it beat me.
It helps that I understand the cause of my poor mental health with more clarity now, in the wake of the atmosphere of emotional abuse in which I grew up. I hate that I had to withstand so much for so long and all the recent exacerbation. But at least I can navigate this carefully and mindfully, which is more than I could do a few years back, so that's progress.
I want to reinvigorate my sense of purpose, which has all-but-disappeared lately. I also don't want to lose more time to people who mistake the need to control and diminish for really caring.