I managed to do a little
gentle writing today, which was good, though the piece I was working on still
needs finishing.
What I really miss, which
I’ve said here before, is someone to collaborate with. I haven’t had this for
so long, I almost can’t remember what it’s like, other than knowing how much
easier it is to see an idea through to completion. Even a solo performer
requires someone to bounce off of, or at the very least a director, but I never
have this either; put simply, no-one would be interested in doing it, which is
very dispiriting.
I’m finding this lack of a
sounding board particularly hard at the moment, as I approach writing my fourth
solo show in three years. My three previous shows really were very different to
each other; perhaps more so than necessary. Of the lot, the last one - ‘Now
Who’s a Comedian?’ - felt the most like I was pulling out all the stops, and while it
wasn't perfect (there definitely were parts particularly in the last third that I never quite fixed), ultimately I was proud of it. This pride was
tarnished by two bad reviews, which left a frustratingly
bitter aftertaste that's wholly unrepresentative of how the show was actually received by
its audience, who for the most part genuinely enjoyed it. This distorted feedback has compounded my slow start on Show Number Four, when I
have so little outside help to remind me that those negative write-ups were a pile of horseshit.
Truthfully, I could do
with a break. A few months - or even a year - away from thinking about comedy
would probably help restore my enjoyment of it. Sadly, I can’t have this luxury
now, but it’s definitely something to keep in mind once I get past this year’s
Edinburgh. Everyone deserves a bit of a holiday, either literally or
metaphorically, and for me, it’s long overdue.