mostly david ephgrave

I plan to commit a crime so terrible, my house will one day be referred to as "The Old Ephgrave Place". I want kids to dare each other to touch my front door (which isn’t a euphemism) and to devalue the properties either side of me. I want whole websites dedicated to the ins and outs of the horrors that went on at my eponymously monikered dwelling and for people to travel from all corners of the globe just to see where I lived. I’ve decided this is the best and most viable career move to take to increase my infamy as, after fifteen years out of drama school, I’m stretching the definition of “up and coming comedian” to the limit. There’s a fine line to attempting to create a backstory akin to Michael Myers while also sustaining your employability; I haven’t quite figured out the mechanics to it. Firstly, do I pick a crime that’ll result in a brief prison sentence and then resurrect my performing career afterwards, or do I just enough to lift my profile without be...

Tonight, I went to see 'Jaws 2: The Wrath of Khan' at the Prince Charles Cinema. My favourite bit was when William Shatner screamed "SHARK" at Ricardo Montalban, really encapsulating his frustration at the latter's vendetta against him. I also liked when Walter Koenig caught fire after biting the massive underwater electrical cable Roy Scheider enticed him onto; he deserved it for that despicable accent.  As far as sequels go, 'Jaws 2' is pretty robust. The acting is understated for a mid-1970s blockbuster; there are a few too many teenage boys with exactly the same face wearing the same Bob Dylan caps in it, but that's par for the course for the era.  It was one of the PCC's Beer and Pizza Nights, where cost of admission includes a can of beer and a slice of pizza (you would never have guessed it). Every so often you'd hear the satisfying click and fizz as someone else opened their drink; after a while, this made me envious, as I had the dr...

Tonight, for the second year running , I went to a screening of the stabby Shatner-mask-wearing horror classic Halloween, at the Prince Charles Cinema.  ‎The couple next to me consisted of a man who was clearly a huge fan of the franchise and his girlfriend, who'd never seen the film before. I would have liked to ask her what she thought of it afterwards, but they ran off before I got the chance; presumably to get a head start on any boiler-suited psychopaths in the Leicester Square vicinity. It would have been hard to spot them tonight, what with all the people in fancy dress. You couldn't move for slutty cats (the go-to outfit option for a Essex hen do). I saw one woman dressed as a sexy Mario from Super Mario Bros; a look that was as unsuitable for Halloween as it was confusing.   As with last year, it was great to see it on the big screen. I didn't get to watch it first time around, unfortunately, on account of being minus three. It's an excellent example of...