mostly david ephgrave

Watching last night’s episode of Eggheads reminded me that often the only prerequisite to being an Elvis impersonator is looking nothing like Elvis. It was an unlikely source for such a prompt. I never expected a game show that revolves around a stark, unforgivingly competitive format to raise this point. It usually only leaves me pondering whether Barry is a latter-day Ronnie Barker character or Chris is Danny Baker’s dad. While I was surprised that Eggheads brought up the thorny faux-Presley issue, I was pleased that they did it so succinctly. It only took one shot of that four-man line-up to remind me of everything Elvis wasn’t . The guy second from right looks more like Shakin’ Stevens. The one in the middle appears to be doing a poo. If there’s a subject I'm entitled to an opinion on, it’s this. I’ve spent a large percentage of my life on stage with fake Elvii. Playing him is a thankless task. He’s such an iconic one-of-a-kind it’s almost impossible to ...

Imagine one of The Eggheads giving you a hug. It would be cold, emotionless and terrifying. The cuddle would have an alarming functionality. It would also be a good opportunity to check whether they have a pulse. They don’t strike me as a particularly tactile bunch. Why waste time showing affection that could be spent spouting trivia? Not to spice up conversation, but to show superiority.   Picture an Eggheads dinner party, with each one vying for attention. You’d spend the duration in fear of being shot down or corrected. The atmosphere could be cut with a knife. The show revolves around a depressingly stark concept. The Eggheads presumably get the same fee whether they win or not. The Challengers only get money if they beat them. All under the helm of a constantly fluctuating host. The presenter being determined by whether Jeremy Vine or Dermot Murnaghan is less pissed on any given night.  (I once wrote a tweet to that effect that was favourited by Vine himself...