mostly david ephgrave

Of the many assemblies I attended in 1995, one sticks in the mind the most. Occasionally, someone other than our head teacher would take the stage. These instances offered alleviation from the usual monotony. By far the most entertaining, often for the wrong reasons, were those lead by a particular teacher who shall remain nameless. His stints at the mic were the funniest. The chief source of the humour, I'm ashamed to admit, was his obvious nerves. His fear of public speaking would alway made him trip up verbally. It didn’t help that he had a lisp. On one occasion, he told the harrowing story of a pedestrian who was trapped 'under the lorries of a wheel'; a linguistic misstep that undermined his account instantly and left us stifling laughter. He’d clutch each side of the lectern for dear life, like it would offer protection from the swarm of 800+ pre- and post-pubescent students glaring up at him. It never did. Secondary schoo...