mostly david ephgrave

Today, I made an unexpected trip to A&E, which I suppose is what most A&E visits tend to be. Thankfully, it wasn’t for anything too serious. The problem wasn’t mine but my dad’s and was linked to a long-running condition and - while I don’t think the doctors are too concerned - it has resulted in him staying in overnight, which is obviously the best place for him to be if he isn’t well. What was notable throughout my time there today (as it always is when I’ve been in a similar situation) is how incredibly caring and committed the staff there tend to be. The service they provide is exceptional, not least when you consider the punishing work hours and the lack of funding and support the NHS gets from the government, despite providing perhaps our most vital service. Still, at least Theresa May’s cabinet reshuffle this week resulted in Jeremy Hunt maintaining his post as Health Secretary, which can only be due to the fantastic job he does. ...

This morning, I was forced to listen to the hairdressers beneath my office discuss a male friend going to A&E because he’d inserted “a whole champagne bottle up his arse”. (I wasn't actually forced; I switched my fan heater off to hear the outcome.) You learn a lot when you rent an office above a salon. Some of it you wish you could unlearn quickly. Apparently the bottle was “up there for a day and a half”. I can’t help but question the logistics. I also doubt the stylists’ testament: you couldn't get the whole bottle up. How did he manage to assume a position to slide it in there in the first place? Presuming he didn’t have assistance. Was he then forced to stand for the duration? Why the hell didn’t he see a doctor sooner? The urgency of the situation would negate the embarrassment. Particularly if he didn't take the cork out first. His chosen object sets the mind boggling. There are plenty of other household items and implements he could have used...