mostly david ephgrave

The predictive text function on my mobile mimics my style perfectly, as this suggested reply to a message from my wife illustrates. I always call her “mate” as we’re that comfortable with each other; that’s why she often calls me, “pal”. We went through a brief period where she was “la” to my “duckie”, but we’d just got back from a few days up North so it was unlikely to stick, which was probably for the best, really; I felt like we’d been catapulted into some sort of ill-advised Coronation Street / Brookside cross-over, which was too much of a cultural divide for me. Putting sarcasm to one side for a bit, I don’t know why my phone suggested that phrase when I don’t think I’ve ever used the word mate in a text message even to a friend; it’s not a term I can use convincingly without sounding like I've firmly encased it in out-sized inverted commas. Not to mention the fact my previous text had been signed off with a couple of kisses, which su...