mostly david ephgrave

It’s hard to believe we’re teetering toward the end of the current series of Strictly Come Dancing. Before we know it, it’ll all be over, and the show will decamp to Channel Four for a reboot hosted by Paul Hollywood, sans Mary, Mel and Sue. I, for one, don’t relish this, as the BBC is Strictly’s natural environment, even when hosted by the less-than-natural Tess Daly; I think she's made of polyester. (I may be a little confused.) See below for my twitter running commentary for tonight. It’s a laugh-a-minute, or your money back. 6:55pm: Ah, the awkwardness of the judges-dancing-on bit. 7:00pm: There's a conveyor belt on stage; where's Brucie? 7:01pm: (I'd like to point out, I got the Brucie 'conveyor belt' joke in seconds before Len). 7:02pm: Hallo...the Craig Revel Horwood Panto Beard is in progress. 7:03pm: Why they haven't had Louise dance to her Top 4 single 'Arms ...

Tonight saw the final Strictly Come Dancing show of 2015 – and therefore, my final evening of tweet after tweet after tweet about it. See below for the whole shebang. I wasn’t happy with tonight's result, but what do I know about it? 6:34pm: I'm likely to tweet about # Strictly tonight. Apologies to the uninterested. Could be worse. I could be doing the dancing. 6:38pm: Katie Derham's face. 6:38pm: This happens every day at Elstree. 6:40pm: In a lock-up somewhere in Elstree, there's one of those big banners with "Daniel" written on it. 6:42pm: Katie Derham's husband's novelty suit is almost as annoying as Katie Derham. 6:44pm: Bruno said "bollocks". Tess Daly said "breast". What's the BBC coming to? @ DailyMailUK 6:46pm: The Jay McGuinness School of Emotion. 6:47pm: I noticed the different My Generation bass solo, # Strictly band ba...

The theme for this week’s Strictly Come Dancing was ‘musicals’: a match made in Heaven or Hell, depending on (1) the marriage between the style of the show in question and the style of the dance, and (2) whether you can stomach musical theatre in the first place (something I can never quite decide myself). See below for tonight’s unnecessary 140-character ranting (with customary Jay / Homer face). 7:02pm: # Strictly opening sequence: has someone died? 7:04pm: Three years of ill-advised training in Musical Theatre are now flashing before my eyes. 7:06pm: Tess doesn't do sincerity. 7:07pm: Judges' entrances: forever awkward. 7:10pm: If Angela Lansbury doesn't sing for Georgia and Giovanni, I'm rescinding my TV Licence. 7:11pm: Actors dressed as teapots: a high-class form of streaking. 7:12pm: No Lansbury. Livid. 7:18pm: If you want to know what Tess Daly opening a Xmas present...

Tonight's evening in the Ephgrave household (flat) consisted of eating cheese and biscuits – like the aspirational middle-class people we are – and watching Strictly – like our inner Plebeians. See below for the usual Twitter-based nonsense; how much sense it makes out of context is up to interpretation.            6:55pm: Len could at least have the decency to get up off his seat. 6:56pm: "Singer and loose woman, Jamelia." 7:00pm: By being on TV tonight, Gleb just made fifteen million female viewers pregnant. 7:01pm: We've all seen Gleb in the park on a Saturday night, haven't we? HAVEN'T WE? 7:03pm: Bruno's 'Gleb / park' quip may have been an invitation. 7:07pm: Jay's dance started with some serious chest-thrusting-out-in-a-waistcoat action. 7:10pm: He missed Hans at the end? I must have missed Hans too. 7:10pm: Jay's neckwear: tie of a cravat? You decide. 7:12pm: Jay's compass tat...

I wasn't planning on tweeting along to tonight's Strictly Come Dancing, until I realised how many double entendres were taking place. It turned out that these were the tip of the iceberg, when Bruno accidentally dropped a bollock (or two) on live television. Suddenly, everything else seemed slight in comparison. It wasn't a heavy duty swear, of course, unless said with malice aforefort, which it certainly wasn't. Still, he should have known better, on a family show - though I seem to remember this wasn't the first time something of this ilk happened; Len Goodman, I'm looking at you. Here are tonight's ramblings: 6:42pm: My "sausage is close to bursting point", Tess. 6:47pm: Did Darcy just say, "The clubbing seal"? 6:51pm: Pasha: "This dance never stops turning". CANCEL THE REST OF THE TV SCHEDULE. 6:52pm: (Del and Rodney, standing underneath the chandeliers.) 6:54pm: Bru...

See below for my tweets regarding tonight's episode of Strictly Come Dancing, all in one place, like. This evening saw a personal first, when I gave one of my three available online votes to Anton du Beke.  It's official: I've changed.   6:32pm: First Gleb Sighting of the Weekend. # Gleb 6:33pm: Tess' chest is in mourning. 6:35pm: "News Anchor, Kirsty Gallacher". Don't forget the glottal stop. 6:36pm: Last week, Anita came as Ruth Madoc. 6:38pm: Gleb and Anita: if it's not one sliding on the floor, it's the other. 6:38pm: If Anita moved like that on Country File, John Craven would have a heart attack. 6:40pm: Gleb's head is a completely blank canvas, on which he draws a face every morning. 6:42pm: Gleb is an animatronic operated by a team of five. 6:43pm: Every night, Gleb goes home, shuts his curtains* and has sex with himself.   *(not a refere...