mostly david ephgrave

Who knew my favourite person wasn’t even a person? On Sunday, we said goodbye to my precious boy, Elwood. Except it wasn’t really goodbye. All he ever brought was joy, interspersed with farts, and made a difficult few years markedly better just by being him. Elwood joined The Firm (not the Grisham novel) in December 2018. He was a rescue dog with a criminal past as a hare courser, who was abandoned when the fuzz arrived. But he adapted well to our witness protection programme. He never troubled the law again, though he wasn't averse to stealing the odd empty halloumi packet from the kitchen when our backs were turned. His delighted sprint to his bed always gave him away. The art of misdirection was never his strong suit. The gap he leaves is Grand Canyon-like. He was a gentle giant who never snapped at anybody. He helped me cope, and his presence acted like a mental reset. Adopting him was one of the best decisions we made, and the life we gave him was a vast improvement on the one...

It's common sense really, but today I felt the value of starting the day positively. I took the dog out first thing - well, what classes as first thing for me - which I do most weekdays and, despite the rain, we both enjoyed it. The only downside to dog-walking is I often find myself thinking about difficult conversations from the past that still niggle. It's the mental equivalent to coming up with the perfect witty retort days later when the moment's passed. I try to catch my rumination when I notice it and actively change the subject as I know it's unhelpful. I'm getting better at this, though it's an inexact science. While it's good to take the dog out, deciding to play the drums as soon as I got home was the real win. Changes in my routine since lockdown has seen me slow down a bit and put on weight I'd like to shift, but it's always difficult to find the right exercise to suit my back problems and - let's be honest - lethargy. Old Me spent m...

If there's one thing that brings me joy, it's watching my dog shoot around the garden. It's simple, uncluttered enjoyment for him and me. As a breed with poor recall, I never let him off the lead on a walk, but in the garden, he's free. He zips about like a nutter while I chase him, and by the time he's reached his limit, if you stand by him, you can literally hear his heart beating; it can't be healthy. The fact my dad loved seeing it too adds to the moment. The first time I brought Elwood over, he demonstrated his version of warp speed to my dad's delight. "You couldn't have a better dog" was how he put it, and Elwood's long since proved him right; he's a shaft of pure sunlight bursting past the bad bits. I'm writing this in the garden as we speak, watching Elwood sniff the air on a windswept day. Behind him, the only daffodil to break through the earth yawns open like a tiny, floral firework. The fact there's just one is appr...

I'm trying to keep everything relatively lowkey at the moment and focus on the precious little things that bring good. One such thing is spending time with the dog and enjoying what he enjoys. He loves shooting around the garden, and I like to watch him and spur him on. I'm often so caught up in my head from day to day that I take things like this - or taking him for a walk - for granted. I'm trying not to though, as these moments are what life is all about. Spending time with the wife is another example (though the second-billing was accidental). We've had a lot to process lately, and while this stuff doesn't just vanish, I think we've earnt some time away from it. Recent events have underlined how you can spend a lifetime trapped in someone else's timeline to almost miss out on your own. But approaching forty is a good time to make a conscious effort to live a little differently: to attempt to look to the present and the future instead of always l...

It's fair to say we're living through a difficult time, and while it's hard to know what's ahead, it worth taking the opportunity to take stock of where we're lucky. I know I couldn't manage without my wife, and how fortunate I am to have her. We've been together for fifteen years and married for a little under six, and she's my most ardent supporter. Being with me isn't straightforward and comes with its challenges, but she stands up to them and makes things better. If I hadn't had her to help me through the mental health mess I was in when we met, I wouldn't still be here today. I know I wouldn't. And that comes with a lot of pressure, but she's still with me (the fool) and, despite it all, we still have a lot of fun. And while it may be soppy, I'm grateful for our dog. He brings a spark to my day and fills it with energy and positivity. He came from Wood Green Animal Shelter a little over a year ago and is a perfect fi...

While walking my dog past the travellers' site in Hitchin today, we were chased down by a pack of angry Chihuahuas; it was like that bit where the horrible guy dives behind a log in 'The Lost World' to be savaged by the Compsognathus (which isn't a euphemism). I should probably have substituted the last c-word there with 'those tiny vicious dinosaurs' for ease of reading, but you take my point. Yet, however I phrase it - and however small the dogs in question were - the experience was no less stressful as they ran us into the road. Elwood, who was on his lead (because I actually care for his and other's safety) was a little flummoxed by the whole affair, but still behaved impeccably, and yet it bothered me that no-one from the camp even looked up when their pets - who were barking mad, literally - sprinted towards us; such was the level of animal welfare awareness amongst this particular travellers community. I must admit, people who let their dogs roam...

There's nothing like walking your dog through the most affluent part of town - past mini-mansion after mini-mansion - whilst squeezed into a jacket you've outgrown due to recent weight-gain and can't afford to replace, for firmly putting you in your place. (Poet.) (Don't know it.) To do this was the psychological equivalent to spending the morning underlining the words 'you're a shitshow' in red pen. Being out with the dog was pleasant - it always is - but when you're in an area that's drastically at odds with your current financial situation you can't help but feel fraudulent, like a toddler clambering about in their parents' shoes, pretending to be an adult. It didn't help that I had a letter this morning summarising last year's earnings that practically blew a raspberry at me as I opened it. The fact my clothes barely fit and I spend much of my time juggling next-to-no money about only compounds this. Consequently, I found ...

Judging from all the barking on this morning's walk, I've concluded that my dog's previous owner was an evil snowman. His unease at the sight of the icy figure standing motionless (as they do) on the playing field close to where I live was patent from the offset, when he crossed to the other side of me, obviously confident I'd fight it off. Then, when it became clear I wasn't going to, he decided to grasp the nettle; switching from anxiety to fury as he tried to warn the rotund, inappropriately-dressed albino off. Bless him for his persistence, which was all the more marked when you consider I could count the times I've heard him bark on the fingers of one finger, or thereabouts. And yet he kept going for the duration of our walk around the field's perimeter, only worsening when he spotted a second snowman just a few feet away; he must have thought they were working together, like a pair of naked pale thugs. It was so bad I ended up taking a different ro...

Tonight, I cashed in my first metaphorical therapy-dog-chips of the season. I should probably explain: I haven't literally turned my dog into fries and then attempted to barter by using them as a grisly form of currency; I'm pretty sure that would result in a prison sentence. But I did use him as a therapeutic aid after an argument left me overwrought and overloaded, and definitely felt the benefit, with my four-legged friend (the dog) gaining in the process. Sometimes, a breath of fresh air is the best cure for what ails you and a dog-walk is the perfect excuse for this. I usually take Elwood out in the morning for an hour while my wife's at work and she'll do the evening dog-shift (careful how you spell that) but today I took him out twice, and that second walk was just what the doctor - or vet - ordered. One of the biggest advantages to walking him in the evening is I get to see the night skies I'd otherwise miss, and this is particularly the case when I cros...

I must be one of the few people on the planet to introduce an hourlong walk to his daily routine for a month and still put on weight. To do this requires talent - albeit admittedly one I'd sooner not possess - although to be fair my increased mass is purely supposition; I haven't weighed myself in a while. Yet despite the lack of concrete evidence, it's hard to ignore the loosening of my belt and tightening of my jacket: there's something afoot, and those feet suddenly have a little more to carry. Whether I've got heavier in the last few weeks or not, I've definitely put on weight over the past year, which I'm desperate to get rid of. It makes me feel sluggish and affects my self-esteem; I'm almost glad I haven't had a casting for a while as I wouldn't want to commit my increased girth to camera. The change is most likely caused by a combination of medication and biscuits. This partly motivated my getting a dog, as I hoped the excuse for mo...

I'm starting to feel like a proper dog owner now, whatever that means. At first I felt like a fraud, who was holding a friend's dog-lead temporarily with them due to return any minute. Now that Elwood's been with us for over a month and I've taken him out every day there's more of a sense that he's mine; I've got to know how he's likely to act to the world around him and got used to reading his body language; I've also learnt his flagrant disdain for squirrels. He's even made his own friends, both dog-based and human: we regularly bump into a contingent of people who live on the same estate as us and all have dogs they walk together; they all give Elwood a fuss. and one of the dogs - a very silly, scruffy boy called Sid - lights up when he sees him and gives him a sniff with his tail wagging madly. It's lovely that having a pet in common brings people together and makes them talk; I've spoken to so many dog-owners over the past f...

Today, my wife and I went on an expedition to introduce our new dog Elwood to my parents. We drove to my Dad's with Elwood in tow, who once again displayed perfect travel etiquette. From the moment they met him I think my dad in particular was smitten, repeatedly offering to look after him whenever we need it. I was particularly glad this was his reaction as he's not been very well lately, so it would be nice for Elwood to be a positive influence in his own way. After he'd had a good explore around the house, we took him out to the garden, which is secure enough for us to let him off the lead without issue (he said, tempting fate). Once he'd realised he was free to run about he made the most of it by galloping around like a nutter. We then got out his squeaky ball (who's his nemesis, second only to squirrels) and played fetch, while he shot about the garden in his element. After that, we had a cup of tea with my parents and my mum handed over some treats she...

One positive upshot to having a dog (and yes, this is another dog blog) is I get to see lovely morning or night skies I might have missed otherwise, along with the general sights that go with being outdoors more often. Walking the dog is an exercise in mindfulness; something I discovered long ago when looking after my mum’s dog Barley, who has a habit of snaffling up anything you pass that vaguely fits the definition of edible. Like most dogs, his nose is his main tool for catching up on gossip, and he'll happily scour the perimeter of the park for any canine news, eating anything he finds on his travels if you let him. Consequently, your attention's more focussed on here and how than usual and you get to see much more of what’s around you. My dog Elwood’s eating habits are similar to Barley's except he’s possibly slightly more discerning, so my eyeline’s allowed to be cast higher than ground level at least every few minutes. If it’s early or late...

I’m pleased to say our new dog Elwood seems to be settling into life with us quite nicely. As I speak, he’s lying on the floor in front of the sofa having recently come in from his evening wee. He’s pretty exhausted, which I take to mean we’re doing something right. My wife pointed out the other day that since getting him we seem to have only one objective: to keep him in a constant state of supreme tiredness. This is our mission should we choose to accept it and we certainly do; far better that he should be too tired to do anything than he be bouncing off the walls at a loose end. We’re fortunate that he’s very easygoing, particularly when he’s so big; if he had any awareness of how large he was he’d have the potential to be quite intimidating (if he wasn’t such a softie). As it stands, we tend to take him out for two walks a day - one of about an hour and another of about thirty minutes - and that seems to tire him out sufficiently, so much so that he’s asleep for...

This morning, we took Elwood to a field we’d hired so he could run about and have the off-leash freedom we can’t normally give (as lurchers are prone to disappear over the horizon if you let them). We’d purposely booked their earliest slot - from 7am to 8am - so we’d be up and out early. Just being in the car showed how comfortable he is with us now compared to when we picked him up from Wood Green a week and a half ago;  that was the journey from Hell with him barking throughout, whereas today he was a picture of serenity, settling on the backseat without a sound. It was a lovely moment when he realised he was able to run around. He started with a few experimental leaps, similar to the mini-rips he goes into occasionally when we’re on a walk and he wants to play, before suddenly upping a gear to lap us at an impressive speed, looking very pleased with himself. Faster than a speeding dogget. After shooting round a few times he came back over for a...