mostly david ephgrave

So, we reach week two of Strictly and the voting starts in earnest. There were a lot of dances to get through tonight what with it being so early in the series; so much so, I reached a point about two-thirds in where I couldn’t for the life of me work out which celebrities we hadn’t seen yet. Despite being a long evening I still enjoyed myself, although this enjoyment was sullied by some of Craig and Bruno’s bitchy feedback to Susannah in particular. While I know Craig tends to work in sound bites and will usually give his negative comments first closely followed by the positive, when he only has time to say one thing, I don’t know why he’d go for something completely soul-destroying and unconstructive and often confidence shattering. Both he and Bruno are choreographers and the dance world can be an acid-tongued business, but surely with all their experience they’d know a scathing comment goes a long way toward making a non-dancer want to give up; I know I would. ...

Another week, another episode of Strictly, and another compilation of my tweets; read them and weep (if this sort of thing makes you emotional): 6:56PM: Tess looks like a gangster with their jacket over their shoulders. 6:58PM: Is Tess off out? 7:01PM: *Idea for a Bruce Willis-starring sequel shot in London called Die Shard* 7:03PM: Is someone else doing Tess' arms for her tonight? 7:07PM: Peter Kay has only just finished reading out the terms & conditions. 7:08PM: I wish someone would tick MY dream box. 7:11PM: Gorka surreptitiously using Alexandra's feet to clean the floor there. 7:18PM: In the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the, I go walking in the, in the middle of the...etc. 7:19PM: "Those aren't pillows..." 7:21PM: Oh for God's sake, Tess, we heard what the judges just said; you don...

My God, I tweet along to the television a lot. Still, at least it keeps me out of trouble, relatively speaking. Tonight’s Strictly didn’t really set me alight, save a couple of routines (including, strangely, two rhumbas). This didn’t stop me from giving my own running commentary to the show; who wouldn’t want to read the thoughts of an ex-Musical Theatre student with a general mistrust of Musical Theatre, and has zero dance ability?  See below for what went from my brain to my phone to Tim Berners-Lee’s Internet. 6:37pm: I'll probably tweet about #Strictly for a bit. Sorry. 6:38pm: I've got tension in MY ballroom. It's essentially a muscle strain. 6:41pm: Tess Daly has borrowed Vanessa Feltz's hair for the evening. 6:42pm: Lesley Joseph has come as 1970s Cher. 6:44pm: Judge Rinder is wearing sparkly camouflage, thus negating the camouflage. 6:47pm: Oksana's skimpy outfit is cunning...

Yesterday saw my third time watching Letters Live at Freemasons' Hall, near Covent Garden; I'm beginning to feel like an old hand at it.  It's such a great concept for an event that's amusing, heartrending, yet always entertaining, serving to reiterate the emotive power of the letter as a form of correspondence. They can act as a shortcut into another time; well, the ones they read at Letters Live are; anything I'd write wouldn't ever be.  The show was topped and tailed by Jamie Cullum, who kicked things off with a spot of Fats Waller - 'I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter', obviously - and closed proceedings with a rhythmically outstanding rendition of Ray Charles' 'I Got a Woman', segueing unexpectedly into The Beatles' 'Blackbird'; hearing the latter arranged for piano somehow underlined how beautiful it is.  Referencing recent political developments gave the show an unsettling undercurrent, taking in B...

I wasn't planning on tweeting along to tonight's Strictly Come Dancing, until I realised how many double entendres were taking place. It turned out that these were the tip of the iceberg, when Bruno accidentally dropped a bollock (or two) on live television. Suddenly, everything else seemed slight in comparison. It wasn't a heavy duty swear, of course, unless said with malice aforefort, which it certainly wasn't. Still, he should have known better, on a family show - though I seem to remember this wasn't the first time something of this ilk happened; Len Goodman, I'm looking at you. Here are tonight's ramblings: 6:42pm: My "sausage is close to bursting point", Tess. 6:47pm: Did Darcy just say, "The clubbing seal"? 6:51pm: Pasha: "This dance never stops turning". CANCEL THE REST OF THE TV SCHEDULE. 6:52pm: (Del and Rodney, standing underneath the chandeliers.) 6:54pm: Bru...

Every Strictly Come Dancing audience member that groans after the judges give their feedback is a professional choreographer. That must be the case. How else would they have a sufficient understanding of what Craig, Darcey, Len and Bruno are about to say to boo before they’ve finished their sentence? They’re all experts. Either that, or they’ve watched too many pantos through the years. I sometimes wonder if they’ve even seen the show before. It took me minutes to spot the pattern to Craig Revel Horwood’s comments. He starts with the bad and ends with the good. It’s not hard to get to grips with. What these on-beat-clapping mouth-breathers don’t realise is you seldom get positive feedback in the performing arts industry. A director or choreographer will usually only tell you when you’ve got something wrong, not when you’ve got something right. You work at such a lick, there’s little time for affirmation. If you get no notes, you're doing well. That said, I know...