mostly david ephgrave

When I was young, I had some Sooty, Sweep and Soo puppets. Bizarrely, I owned two Soos: one with a skirt and one without. This wasn’t for sexual purposes; I was only two, for goodness’ sake. I don’t think they came in a job lot; I always assumed they were sold separately. But why the extra Soo? Did I wear the first one out? I’d have to ask my parents, though I doubt that they’d remember. Perhaps they got me a Soo first, to see if I took to it, before awarding me with the whole set. I’ve always had a penchant for secondary characters. Owning only Soo would be weird. It’s too specific. Having just Sooty would be fine as he’s the lead, and Sweep has the extra novelty of a squeaker – but there’s something unsavoury about a solitary Soo. Maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe this gives a shocking insight into my thoughts on lady pandas: they’re black-eyed harlots (whatever their reluctance to procreate might suggest). My Sooty, Sweep and two Soos we...

Yesterday, I watched the most recent Muppets film, the imaginatively titled ‘The Muppets’. Towards the end, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy join forces to sing a song that brings back very specific memories of my childhood: the beautiful ‘Rainbow Connection’. Every time I hear it, my mind is thrown back to my last day at junior school. Each year, on the last day of term, the school would hold a special assembly, in which we’d all say goodbye to the class who were leaving. It was emotionally charged, sending the impossibly old Year Six into the great unknown of ‘big school’. Over time, St Nicholas JMI had built up a tradition. The class who were leaving would always close the assembly by singing the song to the rest of the school. No sooner had the final chord rung out from Mrs Gledhill’s upright piano, than your time there was up. From that moment on, you were practically an adult. Though twenty years have passed since I stood in there and sang it, I only need to hear t...