mostly david ephgrave

It's fair to say we're living through a difficult time, and while it's hard to know what's ahead, it worth taking the opportunity to take stock of where we're lucky. I know I couldn't manage without my wife, and how fortunate I am to have her. We've been together for fifteen years and married for a little under six, and she's my most ardent supporter. Being with me isn't straightforward and comes with its challenges, but she stands up to them and makes things better. If I hadn't had her to help me through the mental health mess I was in when we met, I wouldn't still be here today. I know I wouldn't. And that comes with a lot of pressure, but she's still with me (the fool) and, despite it all, we still have a lot of fun. And while it may be soppy, I'm grateful for our dog. He brings a spark to my day and fills it with energy and positivity. He came from Wood Green Animal Shelter a little over a year ago and is a perfect fi...

It's nice to see my dog get more and more used to being in a public place like a pub and not be phased by it. Today, I met my friend Stephen who'd come down from the Midlands for a catch-up, and during that conversation, Elwood lay on the pub floor, perfectly relaxed and totally on standby; if he had appointments to keep, he didn't let this show. While he's always been pretty accepting of whatever you expect of him - the dog, not Stephen - he's become even more so very recently, which is lovely to see. He knows we're his owners and he tries to please us. Previously, he would have taken longer to settle in a pub, if he ever settled at all, yet today he was quickly fast asleep, which meant I could relax too without worrying that he was on edge; ultimately, he's a very good boy. As for my time with Stephen, it was good to catch up. We briefly discussed the dates we're doing at Bath Comedy Festival next week - Stephen is supporting me there - and did t...

I’ve been feeling low-level nauseous all day today; just enough to make the day generally unpleasant without things coming to a head or me being sick so I could then move on from it. I don’t know why this was the case, though it may have something to do with meeting my friend Steve for a catch-up yesterday, though I only had a glass of wine when I was with him so I doubt it was that, though it may have been the food I ate. Whatever the case it’s just been frustrating, as it’s put a damper on the whole day I could have done without. Despite what may have been some questionable fish and chips I had a good time yesterday. We’ve been fortunate enough to see each other pretty regularly since Steve moved away, though I of course preferred when he was in the area. Steve’s much like me in the sense he’s not on Facebook so doesn’t play that whole game; a game that frequently makes me feel I’m on the outside of the grid just because I’m not taking part. I guess in many ways I keep myself...

Today I met my friend Stephen for a general catch-up, having not seen him for a few weeks. The big bit of news on my part was the whole situation with my dad, which was a heck of a lot to fill him in on. At least the upshot is positive at the moment, but I’d still been hesitant and not given Steve the full story via text up to this point, opting for the hastily abridged version instead; it just felt like too much stuff to get across. We’ve been fortunate in the sense we've managed to see each other a fair amount since he moved away from Herts in favour of Northamptonshire. I’m glad about this as he’s long been the friend I see most regularly and share detail of the ins and outs of my life to; he’s very much my sounding board and my unofficial, unpaid advisor, which is probably a bit of a poisoned chalice. One thing that’s getting me down of late is the fact I’ve gained a little weight, something I haven’t done to any extent before until...

Today, I met my friend who moved away from the area towards the end of last year, for one of our regular catch-ups. We’ve actually managed to see each other almost as much as we used to when we lived in the same town, which is pleasing. I’m glad about this, as we’ve always been a sounding board for each other’s problems and frustrations, which is something we both need. It’s obviously not as convenient as it was to arrange meeting at short notice, but we still see each other every few weeks, so it’s not too bad. Other than that, yesterday didn’t entail a great deal for me. I kept a loose eye on our pre-sale for June’s Hitchin Mostly with The Fast Show’s Simon Day, which began on Saturday and has been selling very healthily, as expected. I doubt it will sell out entirely before reaching general sale on Monday, but a large percentage of tickets have already gone, so it looks set to be full before the night, which is great. We’re very fortunate for the club’s continuing interest. I ...

Yesterday, I met my friend Stephen in his new hometown of Rothwell, which was my first chance to visit him since he moved about a month ago. It’s been a bit strange not having him as local as I’m used to for the past few weeks. He had lived in Hitchin for just over a year, but had been based in Stevenage prior to that, so it had always been easy to meet up with little notice. Even when he wasn’t living in the same town as me, he was working here, so I’d often give him a wave when I walked past his shop. He’s the friend I’ve known the longest that I still see regularly, and seldom a week would go by when we wouldn’t meet for what’s become affectionally known as our Old Man Pub Crawls, to swap stories of our various work and life frustrations, and just generally catch up. The great thing I discovered yesterday was it’s easier and cheaper to get to Steve’s by public transport than I’d originally thought; until then, I’d been looking at trains via Lond...

This morning, I woke up thinking about the fact one of my closest friends is moving away at the end of the month. To be fair, his new home is only about an hour and a half’s drive away, but that doesn’t take into account the time it would take me to pass my test - which would involve at least a few weeks of intensive training (though I did have a few lessons when I was seventeen) - plus I’d have to save up for a car and be confident about using the motorway and…you get the picture. (Alternatively, it’s a couple of hours to the nearest town by train, but that’s still an improvement on my above workings.) I’m, of course, being flippant. In reality, the distance is no trouble at all, and I know I'll visit him regularly (plus he’ll come back here a lot too), but it will be strange to not have him as nearby as he was or be able to meet as often as we have for years now. That’s not to say I’m not pleased about h...

It’s looking likely my closest friend will be moving out of the area very shortly and it’s hard to know how to feel about it. There’s a lot of talk in mental health about having a support network, and it’s far to say that this person is very much a part of mine. I’ve known him for over twenty years and we meet just about every week for a drink and a chat about the good and bad things happening in our lives. We’ve been each other’s sounding board for so long I’ve maybe taken for granted that this will always be the case - and, while there’s no suggestion this will change, the increase in distance between us will affect the frequency we meet at the least. If you dig deeper, my first sentence isn’t true; I’m pleased and relieved about the good things that are happening in his life, and that these things are leading him to leave his current, toxic work arrangement to a (hopefully) better job where he is respected for his ability instead of being given ...

Don’t you just hate it when your office stinks of rhubarb? This standard problem usually comes about as a result of your dad giving you a plastic bag of the stuff - picked from his garden - when you met him for coffee earlier in the week. Then, because you were going out for a meal that evening without going home first, you had no choice but to leave it in your office overnight, rather than take it to the restaurant. We’ve all been there more than once. There are worse things an office could smell of; the manure you might spread over the rhubarb to help it grow, for example. I’d rather have the whiff of future crumble in the air than the stench of shit, as I’ve always said; it’s a maxim I live my life by, which is surprising, as I’ve only just come up with it; that’s how profound those words are to me. It was nice to meet my dad, as it gave me a break from the work I’d been doing all day, which mainly consisted of booking previews and writi...

Tonight, I met with a friend for what ended up being a very comical evening. It’s nice when you can know someone for such a long time and still find topics to discuss and things to be amused by. There aren’t many with whom this sort of relationship can continue, seemingly indefinitely, with scope for endless material. We regularly prefigure points of conversation with “I may have told you this before”, yet impressively, we still find things we haven’t brought up; having known each other for over twenty years, I can’t help but wonder when the well will run dry and we’ll have to resort to sitting in silence. It seems as you get older your friendship group diminishes, or perhaps this is just the case with me. I have a lot of acquaintances, but there are only a tight handful who are truly close friends; some I see more than others, yet when we do meet up, very little has changed. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with keeping your community small. We weren’t designed to f...

Today was a busy day of jumping from one thing to another, but ended up being productive nevertheless. I started the day feeling quite negative and overwhelmed by the situation I’m in work-wise at the moment and the things I need to do. If I allow myself to frame things negatively - which I’m prone to - there’s a sense that nothing’s changing and that aspects of my career are stagnating and won’t improve. Cast the net too widely and you can give yourself the distorted view that everyone else is better off than you; Facebook is a huge culprit in feeding this, which is why I try to keep my distance when I’m not at my best. Thankfully, a meeting this morning helped me vent my frustrations and reminded me of the good things that have happened recently that I’d forgotten. I came away invigorated and with a greater sense of purpose once I’d cleared the mental fug I’d woken up in. As I left, I picked up a message from my friend Sarah suggesting we...

Today, I was fortunate to meet with my good friend Rob, who I haven’t seen for months. Every so often, he’ll stop off at Hitchin on his way to his job DJ-ing for a radio station in Milton Keynes, so we can have a coffee - and occasionally a pint - and a catch up. We met doing the Buddy show together, before setting up our own Sixties show in conjunction with Glyn, and connected very early on, thanks to our mutual love of Buddy Holly, The Beatles and our shared sense of humour. We don’t see each other as often now, since stopping gigging together, but whenever we go, we pick up where we left off. Me being me, things had to start awkwardly today. A late night after yesterday’s gig meant I hadn’t got ready in time for Rob’s arrival, meaning I had to leave him waiting in his car outside while I finished getting dressed. This was a step up on what usually happens, when he arrives to park at mine to find me already in town; I like to make things strange. Despite the initial ba...

It’s official: at time of going to press, I only have two Edinburgh shows left. It’s strange to finally be at a point on the calendar I almost never thought I’d reach. Many’s the time I’d look at the wall planner in Glyn’s and my office, scan my eyes over August and think I’d never get a show together in time for it, let alone reach the end of the run. It was the cause of fear, self-doubt and anxiety on and off from the moment I decided to go to Scotland to do my first solo Edinburgh run; now it’s nearly over, those feelings have been replaced with pride and even a little faith in my own ability - though like any performer, my insecurities haven’t left completely. In a strange way, as I’ve got more tired over the last week or so, my show's become more enjoyable. I play with the material a darn sight more than I did a few weeks back. Today was a case in point, when a slightly older, quieter contingent to the audience needed constant cajoling to ...

In many ways, today’s show was the best of the run so far, and the most fun. For the first time, everyone filled from the front, making for a pack of punters right in my eye line, who were on board throughout. I had enough laughter to sit back on and help me enjoy telling the stories, rather than feeling I had to fight to keep the ball in the air (clunky football analogy). It may have been a little indulgent, but I mentioned my one-out-of-five score from a Twitter reviewer who said I failed to produce laughter, to an audible gasp; it was probably unnecessary to say it, but if nothing else it was good for mental health to vocalise my inner monologue at a show where the response from the audience couldn’t have been more at odds with that summary. It was nice that today’s show was a good one, as I had a friend in that I hadn’t seen properly for twenty years, despite having kept contact on Facebook and Twitter. We had a lovely chat over a drink in the ...

Despite starting both with next-to-no voice, my last two shows have been most fun of the run so far. I was discussing it with Fraser after today’s show, and how being ill can give you extra fire, when he pointed out how it does something strange to your nerves, particularly at the Fringe; you adopt a ‘let’s just get through this’ attitude, and your buckling down and concentrating on working around how you fell makes you forget your usual pre-show anxiety. It helps that the last two gigs were on a Friday and a Saturday, which definitely boost numbers (even at midday). They were probably the busiest up to now, with people who were attuned to what I’m aiming at, instead of being confused. I’ve also been working harder to get past the tiredness, the mucus and the phlegm (pleasant), becoming more playful in the process. I’ve been ad-libbing more than usual, with sharper results. There are moments when I even feel like an actual comedian ; STOP PRESS. ...

Today, was a day of sociability, and a nice break from the frustration of the past few weeks.  I met with my friend Rob in the morning, who's working as a DJ for a station in Milton Keynes, and who'll drop by Hitchin on the way when he can, for a coffee and a catch-up. He's one of those people I don't get to see as much as I'd like but, when I do, we pick up where we left off. We know each other through music, having met when working together on the Buddy Holly show I used to do, on my second year of doing it. Rob played Buddy before me, then went into 'The Mousetrap' in town the year I took over (I'm talking Agatha Christie; not pest control or Linford), meaning I missed him the first time around. When he returned, he took the rhythm guitar / emcee role (enjoying the break from the big glasses, I think), and our mutual interest in rock 'n' roll and sixties music - plus our shared sense of humour - meant we soon connected on the road; then Glyn...

Today’s been a day of mass-sociability.  I met my mum for coffee this morning, which was nice, as I haven’t seen her much lately. ‎We went through a phase of going out for lunch every week, which waned due to our lessening availability (an elaborate way of saying we had less time). While we were only together for an hour today, we still managed to fit in good catch up. Even if we hadn't, I'd say we did, as she often reads this.  My mum then gave me a lift to Letchworth, to meet my friend Sarah at her new studio (she's an artist). I hadn't seen it until today. It's tucked away in a massive industrial estate (sounds like an insult: "You massive industrial estate"), so the search for her unit made me feel a bit like Anneka Rice. It didn’t help that my mobile’s Sat Nav had a deep-seated issue with her address and wouldn’t come to my aid. I couldn’t tell if it was directing to her studio, or just to “Letchworth” (which is no help when you’re alrea...