mostly david ephgrave

Tonight I met with Mr Doggett to update our Public Liability Insurance and sign a few forms to register with a new accountant. I plan to so bloody reckless now we’re re-insured. I’ll dress solely in shell suits with my hair lacquered up to-the-max. Never before in the history of mankind will one person have been so inflammable; I’ll be the personification of the cast of Backdraft after a grossly misjudged publicity stunt; call me Wicker Man Ephgrave. ( ...though I've never actually seen it .) The only downside to our policy is it doesn’t protect us from everything you'd think. We’re not covered for any equestrian work conducted by us or someone else on our behalf, nor can we handle muskets, pistols or guns; there goes our proposed Three Musketers remake. We can’t perform at an altitude in excess of three metres without potentially falling financially foul should we injure anyone around us, so our fourth plinth physical theatre installation has been nixed. It offi...

You don’t expect your self-esteem to get a knock when renewing your contents insurance. This happened to me this morning; about five minutes into running through the various questions relating to my policy over the phone, when the subject of the nature of my employment came up. “What do you do for a living?” asked Mark (the man with the power to protect my belongings.) “I’m an actor”, I replied. The line went dead for a moment. "What sort of actor?”, he probed. “How do you mean?”. “Do you do film, TV or theatre?”. “Well, all of the above”, I replied, “but mostly theatre.” (For some reason, my previous policy had me listed as just a teacher; presumably, to avoid this kind of interrogation.) “This is a slightly awkward question to ask”, Mark continued, shakily, “but it will affect the nature of your policy. Are you famous?”. I mulled over my twelve years in the business. The high points, the lo...