mostly david ephgrave

I'm currently suffering a real disillusionment with life, particularly from a career perspective, that's making it near-impossible to focus on what to do next. As I've already intimated, personal problems connected to the loss of my dad play a large part in this sense of frozen momentum. One thing my standard response to depression illustrates is my tendency to approach difficulty with energy and action, mostly creatively - even this blog started life as an exercise to assist my mental health - but even that's been overwhelmed by current circumstances; I think cancelling Edinburgh was the final straw as it struck from the diary my focus at a cost far more expensive than my turnover for the past two years combined. (And that's without factoring in the damage to my confidence and morale.) As it stands, I don't know how to pick myself up again. I've borne-witness to the assassination of things that mattered most to me by someone I thought knew bett...

I don't feel much momentum at the moment; everything's at a standstill. When I did the only preview that went ahead this year, I found energy I hadn't expected that drove the show along and made me feel I could still do Edinburgh, despite  the inevitable impact of the loss of my dad and the circumstances around it ; that, plus the money donated, showed I had support from an unseen audience. However, the project was inevitably on a knife-edge and still vulnerable to collapse; it was a delicate balance susceptible to sabotage from extra pressure. And that's what happened: I hit a familiar brick wall. The inability to strike a temporary compromise with a close relative over my dad's estate made me feel unable to leave home for a month with everything in flux, so I cancelled the run with a few days' notice at a cost of over £6000. And not only did the relative never mention the cancellation or the fact I was meant to be doing Edinburgh at all  until a ...