mostly david ephgrave

I may have just received my best review. "Three stars." How's about that then, ladies? You heard it here first. Nothing abnormal about my internal beanbags. And they're not my words, they're the words of a professional radiologist. Just think how many testicles they've observed in the course of their career, the lucky buggers. And my pair get top marks. Well, when it comes to normality at least. Well done me. Those are nine words I'd happily see scrawled on the wall of a public toilet referring to me, even though I'd admit to being surprised by the formality. It's not the place you'd expect such a dry tone to be in evidence. Though I suppose it depends on where the toilet is. I'm sure you get a higher class of graffiti than usual in the gents' at Trinity College, for example. It's worth clarifying I didn't get this write-up out of the blue. Last week, I had an ultrasound after noticing a possible lump. Ever since I convinced my ...

A doctor squeezed my testicles today. I’ll do anything for attention. I should clarify that this was for health reasons. I wasn’t about to ‘put out’. I’d spotted a suspicious lump earlier in the week, and thought it would be best to seek a professional opinion. There’s nothing like advice from an expert. Of the whole human body, I mean; not just dangly bits. (His name was Doctor Cox though, so I’d gone to the right place.) While I’ve been examined before and feel comfortable with it (but not too comfortable), there’s no ignoring the fact that it’s an unusual situation. It’s not often that I drop my trousers within minutes of meeting somebody - and I seldom do it in an office. Also, few men have touched my genitals. None of them recreationally. Of course, me being me, I made a joke. As he sat on a small stool at my feet, adjusting his rubber gloves while I unfastened my belt, I said, ‘Typical day’. ‘It is for me,’ he laughed. ‘Perhaps it’s time to get a new job,’ I replied. ‘...