mostly david ephgrave

I need to turn my head to new thoughts and a different direction before my narrative becomes so weighted in the past that I become trapped in the role of a toxic person's definition of me and tied to their disordered expectations. The damage a narcissist causes is too complex to sum up in a few words and seeps into any space you let it. And the truth seldom plays a part in your dialogue, nor is there any recognition for your previous actions or character traits. It's all projection and recrimination in the hope they'll provoke a reaction that's big enough to deflect from their own behaviour; it's the bully who pushes you over, then tries to blame your decision to obey gravity for you hitting the ground. But while I'm still coming to terms with our toxic relationship, I recognise it's wholly down to me to remove the validity of their critique. Every so often, I remember the times I begged them to treat me fairly like it was down to me to make a case for it. A...

I feel like my life's on pause.  My impetus has gone at the moment. It's almost impossible to see beyond the mess I'm in, to a time when I can live in my dad's house and look to the future, while still allowing space for my past to be important.  Creatively, I have no interest in work; in fact, it's not that I'm disinterested, I just can't concentrate on anything. I'm already anxious about Thursday's Mostly Comedy; I have no desire to be funny and I'm certainly not match-fit. Hopefully, Glyn and I can just stick to some well-trodden material so I don't have to perform on my own. It's daunting to be back in a situation where the past threatens to overwhelm my present, and all because what I suffered - both as a child and as an adult - has been rendered unimportant by someone who hasn't the right to do that. And that person - who never played by the rules or tried to meet other people's expectations - continues to act a...

I think the concept of National Siblings Day is clutching at straws.  This could be because I haven’t got a brother or sister. “Ich bin ein Einzelkind”, as my German doppelgänger would say. While I have no siblings, I can imagine what it would be like. I’d cherish it, despite the frequent frustration it would bring. Either way, I wouldn’t need to tell the world about it. I wouldn’t need a public holiday or a Twitter trend to express it. Our mutual respect could be kept between ourselves. (...assuming we were of similar mindset.) Siblings aren't an endangered species. We don’t need to fight for their rights. Before you know it, there'll be an In-laws Day. Scrap that, there already is: Do we have to turn everything outward? You’re no better a relation for showing your relationship off. Life isn’t a press release; it’s what happens behind closed doors that counts (unless you’re feral). I blame Facebook. It’s turned life into a competition – and on...