mostly david ephgrave

I, for one, like cutting Quasimodo-like shapes to administer earwax remover in the bathroom. As high-status moments go, it's in the top ten (probably wedged between someone stepping on the back of your shoe while you're walking and having a twitchy eyelid) and is the only thing you can do to try and guide the magic fluid down your ear canal. It's like miming a header or trying to bend down as you step under a low archway and is perfect for making you look like a dick; it's certainly not recommended when you're 'with audience'. At least whether I managed to navigate the liquid into my right earhole is, frankly, by the by, as this evening I decided to pull rank and have booked an appointment at my local chiropractors - for they do ears too - tomorrow to get my head gunk flushed out. It won't be the first time I've subjected my nut to irrigation. It's a strange sensation but is ultimately satisfying when you come out the other side with crystal ...

I had to cancel today’s show despite having a good turnout (for me), for the simple reason I couldn’t hear a bloody thing. The cause was both dull and grim in equal measure: I occasionally have too much earwax for my own good, which is related to my whole vertigo situation, which at its worst will block my ear canal so much that no sound can get in (or out, should it need to); this is particularly the case when I’m rundown, which I clearly am at the moment. I had a similar problem before a show last year too, although it cleared itself just at the right moment; I had my fingers crossed that the same would happen today, but no such luck. I’d gone so far as to walk behind the curtain ready to make my entrance, but had been struggling so much to hear while chatting with my technician Robert just before - who’ll probably spot his name when this blog post briefly pops up on the screen at the end of my show tomorrow, so HI ROBERT - that I got into a bit of a pa...