mostly david ephgrave

“…and the prize for the longest running, most mucus-producing cold goes to…” (Dramatic pause.) “…David Ephgrave, for David Ephgrave’s Longest Running, Most Mucus-Producing Cold.” (No-one claps. David produces mucus.)   Being ill at the end of the year isn’t a shock; it goes with the territory. People who moan that they're suffering from low-level sicknesses, particularly on social media, are also very irritating. Though I know this, I’m still going to say it: “I’m fucking sick of this fucking cold I’ve got”. ("Language, Timothy.") It’s isn’t even my first cold this month; it’s Cold #2. A fortnight ago, after losing and then regaining my voice, I assumed I was out of the worst. God, was I wrong. By Christmas Eve, the germs had reworked their black magic; so much so that I was back to communicating with Marcel Marceau-like gestures by the 27th of December. I may still be poorly, but I’ve mastered appearing to walk against the wind with aplomb and fine...