The Ring Finger Blues.


The last few days have been completely overshadowed by losing my wedding ring.

It’s strange how used to wearing it I’ve become and how weird I feel without it. My hands feel strangely naked (which is also the name of a magazine I subscribe to) as I type this. My anxiety hasn’t abated since I first noticed it was missing on Friday morning, and what makes it worse is I’m constantly reminded I haven't got it every time I pick something up, like a glass, or a mug, or my phone, or a guinea pig; I hadn’t realised how much it was in my awareness on a day-to-day basis; without it, I’m a gibbering jewellery-less wreck.

My one reassurance is the fact I’m 99.9% sure I took it off at home. I know I was wearing it at last Thursday’s Mostly Comedy as I would have felt hugely self-conscious without it. I seldom remove it in public and only briefly; usually to put some hand cream on or to engage in an extra-marital affair (with a guinea pig owner; see above).

I must have taken it off in my front room when I got home after packing up the club. I first noticed it was missing when I woke up on the sofa in the early hours of the day after the gig, but it was late, so I told myself I’d find it in the morning - except I didn’t. Since then, I’ve been methodically scouring the living room in concentrated bursts, moving furniture as I go, but to no avail; I’m beginning to run out of ideas as to where it is. 

If it doesn’t turn up, does that make me a bachelor? I’ll have to check the small-print on my marriage certificate. The only positive is I can now remove a turkey's giblets at a moment’s notice, but you’d be surprised how rarely this comes up; I knew I should have worked in poultry. 

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Image
Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...
Read more