Skip to main content

Ol' Bake-Off Blue Eyes.

To mark the return of the Great British Bake Off today, I thought I'd share a few of the tweets I've posted about the show's striking male judge over the past six years. 

I swear I'm not obsessed. 
Paul Hollywood is as nifty with an oven as he is with a Remington MB4045 Beard Trimmer. #GBBO

You don't want to know what Paul Hollywood keeps in his garage. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood's beard is backlit. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood's eyes can see through walls. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood's hair is the definition of precise. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood despises cufflinks. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood. Yellow shirt. No cufflinks. Cowboy stance. Yes. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood's hair comes off in one piece. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood has a room in his house that's devoted entirely to hair product. #GBBO

Look at Paul Hollywood's chunky watch. He's so manly. #gbbo

Paul Hollywood, rocking his line-dancing stance. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood's hair could cut glass. #GBBO

If Paul Hollywood goes out on a bike he doesn't need to wear a helmet. #SolidHair #GBBO

I bet when Paul Hollywood gets home, he switches on the television, kicks back his feet and puts ON a pair of cufflinks. #gbbo

The cross-hatch of Paul Hollywood's fringe alternates between 'forward'...'up'...'forward'...'up'. #GBBO

If you bought Paul Hollywood a pair of cuff-links for Christmas he'd punch you in the face. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood inspires long-dormant homoerotic urges that I never knew I had. #GBBO


The Mary Rose is constantly sprayed with water to prevent decay. Paul Hollywood's beard trimming regime is similarly relentless. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood's fringe is gently reminiscent of a salt-and-pepper sea smashing against the shore. #GBBO

NOTE TO SELF: must perfect Paul Hollywood's hands-in-pockets, cuffs-rolled-up, steely middle-distance stare. #GBBO

You'd think Paul Hollywood's budget would stretch to a pair of cufflinks. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood oozes liquid masculinity. Not that I've noticed. #GBBO

When Paul Hollywood adopts his hands-in-pockets stance he looks like he's about to do a line-dance. #GBBO

The solidity of Paul Hollywood's hair means he need never wear a hard hat on a building site. #GBBO

Nothing worse than having your nuts all crammed into one area, Paul. #GBBO

Paul's black shirt offsets the salt & pepper beard nicely. #GBBO

Paul Hollywood intimidates me sexually. #GBBO
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

'...I'm Gonna Look at You 'til My Eyes Go Blind."

Over the past week or two, I’ve been on a bit of a Sheryl Crow kick, largely thanks to rediscovering her cover of one of my most-liked Bob Dylan songs. She has one of my favourite female voices, yet despite this, I only own one CD and that’s just a single (her '97 release ‘Hard to Make a Stand’); on that basis, you can only imagine how much of her back catalogue I’d own if I hated her (it would fall into minus-figures). Dylan, conversely, takes up more of my collection than anyone else, save The Beatles and Paul McCartney’s solo work. He’s one of those artists who, when you get him, you really get him - and once I’d tuned into his style as a student, I'd time and again be blown away by his lyrics; he’ll have more jaw-dropping imagery in one track than other people fit in a whole career. These days, I mostly listen to music in the morning when getting ready, and more often than not, this will consist of a suggested YouTube playlist when I’m in the bath, r...
Read more

"Speaking Words of Wisdom, Let it Shine."

Tonight saw the second instalment of BBC1’s latest advertise-a-musical-for-months-and-then-cast-it-with-performers-too-inexperienced-to-do-it-a-thon ‘Let it S̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ Shine’ (or as I call it: ‘REAL AUDITIONS ARE NOTHING LIKE THIS’). I didn’t watch it (clearly), but being reminded of how angry seeing just five minutes of it made me last week caused me to mull over what I would call a musical based on the band’s songbook, if I was responsible for it. Here are a my suggestions: IDEAS FOR TITLE OF A TAKE THAT MUSICAL: Barlow! Dirty Fat-Dancing Orange! A Million Love-changes-everything Songs Owen! Howard's End Pray Misérables Mamma Marka! Babe (with a pig as the lead) …BUT MY FAVOURITE HAS TO BE: Jason & His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. "It was Orange, Orange, Orange, Orange..." (TAKE) THAT’S ENOUGH OF (TAKE) THAT.
Read more