Paused.

I'm at a bit of a loss over what to do next, due to the lost momentum in my work-life and the emotional difficulties of my current situation.

The cancellation of Edinburgh was nigh-on unavoidable, but while going ahead was already on a knife-edge because of my dad's death, the removal of the project I'd kept at least one eye on throughout the latter stages of his illness took away the opportunity to deflect some of the pain with work; doing it was something he was very much behind too, so taking it out of the diary was an extra wrench.

I also pulled out to give myself time to rebuild, following the stress of my dad's deterioration, although the month that followed offered little opportunity. I have moments when I honestly don't know how to deal with what's being thrown my way. A disagreement over the principle behind what my dad didn't know when he wrote his Will looks set to drone on indefinitely, with the other party unwilling to acknowledge events or conversations around it in fear of conceding to a slightly different deal; something that's made grimmer in light of the long-term suffering they caused in my childhood, which has since been branded as "ridiculous". Even I never thought they'd do that.

So I find myself in a world where a person I might turn to for help is hurting me the most. And they're prepared to dismiss every negative action in a heartbeat if it best serves their interests. And they know the risk involved, yet they still put themselves first; meanwhile, I'm still trying to fight my dad's and my corner, knowing every word I say - which I'm entitled to say - will only make them angrier.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Image
Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...
Read more