I’m finding it
difficult to source the energy to be creative at the moment.
The root of the
cause, put simply, is it’s been a difficult few months, which have yet to
become significantly less challenging. This, combined with a truckload of extra Mostly
Comedys (including our shows in St Albans, which kick off this week) have made it
hard to devote the requisite headspace to get on with any writing. There's also
no-one to chivvy me along or tell me when I’m doing well, which makes it hard
to approach what I’m doing with enthusiasm and confidence; that’s not to say I
haven’t got a few bits on the back-burner that show promise (and no-one wants to
burn their back-bits) though my brain’s so frazzled, I can only work for a few
minutes at a time before I’m spent.
I feel like a
student who’s behind on his coursework, yet can’t be bothered to get on
with it, except it’s not so much a case of not being bothered as feeling no-one
else cares about what I do. This hasn’t been helped by a spate of
customer queries and cancellations related to my comedy club that have conspired
to make me feel undervalued there too; I never set out to deal with the
public, yet have somehow wound up in that position via the backdoor, and all
for minimal payment for an event whose output quality vastly outweighs the cost to
book.
I could do with a
break, but that's not an option right now. All I can do is try to approach what I do with self-kindness and not be overwhelmed by it. I’d love a holiday, but I can’t see that happening until
my deadlines have been and gone; maybe Reggie Perrin had it
right after all.