Skip to main content

GBBO 2016: Volume Eight (12.10.16)


Tonight’s Bake Off was a Tudor-themed affair, with Celtic jumbles, pies and marzipan peacocks galore.

It also saw the sad departure of Benjamina; a talented and likeable baker, with perhaps the laziest thought-up of female names (when in doubt, stick an A on the end of it). As ever, I tweeted along with the show, probably missing half of the action whilst struggling to write something concise about my love for Paul Hollywood.

See below for today’s ramblings; they be about cake.

8:03pm: The day the world ends, Selasi should be the one to make the announcement.

8:05pm: Jane's hair would be great to tackle those hard-to-reach cobwebs in the corner.

8:06pm: YOU'VE got cogs at the bottom.

8:08pm: "I've run out of pie-related puns."



8:10pm: Mel: "Mary and Paul are looking for a firm filling". Too easy.

8:15pm: My only Tudor-related joke: Henry VIII’s second wife would never rush into a room. She’d just amble in.

8:16pm: Worryingly, they haven't cut to the black lamb who's usually gambling around outside the tent. Is he in a pie?

8:19pm: By wearing that light pinky-white shirt, Paul Hollywood is asking for a spillage.

8:20pm: Andrew's built a multi-Lazy Susan.

8:24pm: There's something strangely sexual about watching Selasi work a tiny pestle and mortar.

8:29pm: I'd smash all my jumbles up and call myself an iconoclast.

8:32pm: The triangular ones look like Celtic samosas.

8:34pm: I did a Celtic poo once.

8:40pm: If I was there, I'd make a marzipan codpiece.

8:45pm: To mark this week's Tudor-themed #GBBO, I've spent the duration of the programme adopting a Henry VIII stance.

8:52pm: "I don't like that". Paul Hollywood channeling Graham Taylor.

8:53pm: My favourite early Macca solo song: 'Maybe I'm a Maze".

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

"Speaking Words of Wisdom, Let it Shine."

Tonight saw the second instalment of BBC1’s latest advertise-a-musical-for-months-and-then-cast-it-with-performers-too-inexperienced-to-do-it-a-thon ‘Let it S̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ Shine’ (or as I call it: ‘REAL AUDITIONS ARE NOTHING LIKE THIS’). I didn’t watch it (clearly), but being reminded of how angry seeing just five minutes of it made me last week caused me to mull over what I would call a musical based on the band’s songbook, if I was responsible for it. Here are a my suggestions: IDEAS FOR TITLE OF A TAKE THAT MUSICAL: Barlow! Dirty Fat-Dancing Orange! A Million Love-changes-everything Songs Owen! Howard's End Pray Misérables Mamma Marka! Babe (with a pig as the lead) …BUT MY FAVOURITE HAS TO BE: Jason & His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. "It was Orange, Orange, Orange, Orange..." (TAKE) THAT’S ENOUGH OF (TAKE) THAT.

'...I'm Gonna Look at You 'til My Eyes Go Blind."

Over the past week or two, I’ve been on a bit of a Sheryl Crow kick, largely thanks to rediscovering her cover of one of my most-liked Bob Dylan songs. She has one of my favourite female voices, yet despite this, I only own one CD and that’s just a single (her '97 release ‘Hard to Make a Stand’); on that basis, you can only imagine how much of her back catalogue I’d own if I hated her (it would fall into minus-figures). Dylan, conversely, takes up more of my collection than anyone else, save The Beatles and Paul McCartney’s solo work. He’s one of those artists who, when you get him, you really get him - and once I’d tuned into his style as a student, I'd time and again be blown away by his lyrics; he’ll have more jaw-dropping imagery in one track than other people fit in a whole career. These days, I mostly listen to music in the morning when getting ready, and more often than not, this will consist of a suggested YouTube playlist when I’m in the bath, r...