Skip to main content

University Challenged: Volume Seven (08.02.16)


While I’m generally pretty mild-mannered and pleasant, this all goes out of the metaphorical window most Monday evenings at 8:00pm. From then until 8:30pm, I can be found skulking about on Twitter, being all Internet troll-like about that week’s University Challenge contestants.

Today was no different. See below for this week’s 140-characters-or-fewer nastiness. I’m a nice person, really, when you get to know me.


8:01pm: Jeremy Paxman: so weary.

8:02pm: "Hi I'm Kirkman, and I've subsumed David Mitchell's voice.”

8:06pm: "Hi, I'm Wainwright, and used to be chased around abandoned houses by bandaged mummies, with a dog called Scooby-Doo".

8:07pm: No, not "Kant" in that jacket, Bennett. 'C*nt".

8:08pm: Wainwright's lightbox is giving him a suntan.

8:09pm: If you listen very carefully, you can hear Wainwright's hair grow.

8:12pm: I'd like to gently run my fingers down the length of Bennett's lapels.

8:14pm: Kirkman's beard is made of iron filings that cling to his face as a result of sucking a magnet.

8:16pm: Newcastle's Richardson is everybody's dad.

8:19pm: There's no softer substance in the Universe than Wainwright's post-washed hair.

8:21pm: When asked politely, Liverpool's Bennett will pass you the wine list.

8:22pm: Rub a balloon against your jumper and hold it above Wainwright's hair to pick him up.

8:22pm: Liverpool's Bennett has the face of an evil baby.

8:24pm: After the recording, Jeremy Paxman offered Newcastle's Bennett a lift back to her hotel in his Jag.

8:25pm: Liverpool's Wainwright is the son of Rod Hull.

8:26pm: You wouldn't see Liverpool's Bennett walking through Toxteth in that jacket.

8:27pm: Newcastle's Bennett looks like she should be operating a marionette.
Labels:

Popular posts from this blog

Not The Bayeux One.

The Carole King album Tapestry has been my 'getting-ready-in-the-morning' soundtrack for the past few weeks.  It's been a favourite album ever since I was a student, which makes for a pleasantly gentle way to usher in the start of a day. I've always been a fan of a well-crafted song, which is something of a Carole King hallmark, ever since she started writing with her first husband in the early Sixties. Tapestry may be an unimaginative choice for a favourite LP, as it suggests I haven't delved that far into her career, but it's still an undoubted classic; anything with '(You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman', 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?' and 'You've Got A Friend' on it can't really fail; if nothing else, it proves she likes writing songs with long titles.  Next month, she's set to perform the album live in its entirety for the first time at a gig in Hyde Park, which I would have loved to have gone to, if it weren...
Read more

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

'Turn off your mind, relax and float downstream..."

While I’ve been practising meditation for quite some time now, I’ve recently taken to using the mindfulness app 'Headspace' . If you’ve never meditated before, or you’re an old hand at it, it’s a great resource, offering daily ten-minute guided meditations that create a sense of progress, rather than stagnating and going through the same process every day. Until I started using the app, I’d often listen to a handful of audio guided meditations I have on my phone in case of a brain emergency. If you see me with my eyes closed and my earphones in on public transport, I’m probably doing this (unless I’m sleeping and using this blog as an elaborate alibi). While the tracks on my phone are great, they can get a little repetitive as I become too familiar with them and start to anticipate everything the person on the recording will say. This is where Headspace is great, as it offers you a daily course with a different focus each day, as well as pl...
Read more