Going for castings
at the moment feels a little bit like pissing into the wind.
The process of
doing them I really enjoy. I feel most comfortable in front of a camera, doing
something small, naturalistic and throwaway. Most of the stuff I go up for is quirky
or comedic, which suits me. Yet I’m not getting any jobs. It’s beyond
disheartening.
The frustrating
thing is a lot of them seem to go well. I often make the casting director
laugh, usually for the right reasons. I’ve been penciled for jobs so many times
I can’t look a stationery shop in the face (which is good as they don’t tend to
have them). It doesn’t make any difference. No pencilling turns to pen.
It’s hard to keep
upbeat about it and not let it affect your performance. It's starting to feel like
an endless unbreakable cycle. I’m bored of it. I just need one job to break the
seal.
I keep reminding
myself that I’ve got them in the past. I also keep getting close. It’s not like
anything’s conspiring against me. I’ve just been unlucky of late. When I
eventually get something, probably for some obscure brand of cleaning product, I’ll
be unreasonably excited. It’s worrying what you end up aspiring to.