She Came in Through the Bedroom Window.


I’d like to leave the house, but I can’t, as one of my windows is being held shut by a coat hanger.

Thankfully, this is a temporary situation. It'll be fixed in the morning. Until then, I’m trapped. I daren’t go out, for fear that someone will break in, steal my guitars and kidnap my cat.

It’s been locked ajar for the past few weeks. It was open for the duration of my honeymoon, which wasn’t ideal, as I live in a ground floor flat. This morning, one of my mum’s window-fitting friends (she has a lot of glazing contacts) came to have a look at it. He forced it open with a hammer and a chisel (I should have given him the key) then said he’d need to order some replacement parts. Hence the improvised coat-hanger-based security system.

You may think announcing a broken window on a public blog is irresponsible. That’s where you’re wrong. I wouldn’t tell you if I wasn’t (1) indoors, and (2) very good with my fists. I’ll defend my property if I have to. I haven't just fashioned a temporary lock for my window, I’ve also used a broom handle, a plug chain, a cricket ball and some nails to build a makeshift mace. 

Enter without permission and suffer the consequences. My house, my rules.

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