No Prize.


There’s nothing like the BAFTAs for reminding you how little you’ve achieved in your career. Don’t let it be said that I never set myself unreasonable goals.

While there's no golden mask on my mantelpiece, I’ve not faired too badly over the years. I’ve worked in the West End, toured the UK more times than I care to remember - and my various projects with Glyn Doggett have certainly had their moments. There may be a string of two-star reviews to our name, but I like to take this to mean we're two stars in-the-making.

Though I may never win a BAFTA - and I’m not sure what I’d get one for anyway: Best Beard, perhaps? - I still have the odd prize to my name. My old group Big Day Out won Best Band in Hertfordshire and Best North Herts Finalist at the 1998 Hertfordshire Music Awards (what do you mean, you’ve never heard of it?). I was also awarded Most Promising Student on graduating from drama school; an accolade I’ve been trying to disprove ever since.

I also once won a travel edition of Monopoly during a BBC Radio 5Live phone-in back in the early Nineties, speaking to Andi Peters, Mark Curry and Edd the Duck in the process – and was very nearly booked to perform magic on the ‘8:15 From Manchester’ with Ross King.

The British Academy of Film and Television Arts can shove their coveted trophy up their arse. I’m just not interested.

(I obviously am.)

Unimpressive.

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