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Cat 22.


Scratch, eat, sleep...scratch, eat, sleep...scratch, eat, sleep: this is my pet cat’s itinerary.

She’ll factor in the odd variation - like sneaking into the room she’s not allowed in, pissing on the curtains or being sick on the carpet - but this doesn't happen often. When it does, it’s a little treat. For her, not me, that is.

It must be nice to live your life only concerned with when you can factor in your next snack, scratch or snooze. A cat doesn’t worry about the pension deficit, the rise of UKIP or the situation in North Korea (unless they live there, as they could wind up as a medicinal ingredient). The average cat couldn’t give a fuck. Give it a comfy sofa or a cushion and it's sorted.

The word 'cat' should be substituted with 'git' in the Oxford English Dictionary. As names go, that's much more accurate.

"I will destroy you."

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