Heard it on the Jeremy Vine.

Today, I listened to Jeremy Vine discuss the contentious subject of building on greenbelt land on BBC Radio 2.

He sounded very angry about it. This wasn't particularly surprising: Jeremy always sounds furious, whatever the topic is on any given day. It's the default setting of his voice. He'd even fume if you brought him breakfast in bed.

(Particularly if he had no idea who you were, or how you got into his bedroom.)

The only show in which he doesn't spit venom is BBC2's Eggheads, which is surprising, considering the smugness of its resident team. Particularly Daphne. I hate Daphne.

Vine read out a few emails from his similarly irate listeners. I like to imagine each of them tuning in, incensed, then getting progressively wound up by the minute. By the time Steve Wright takes over, they're practically frothing at the mouth.

(At least his moustache will soak it up.)

Of the many incandescent internet voices, my favourite screamed: "The Government won't be happy until every inch of the UK has been concreted over."

Is this the Coalition's latest policy? If so, that's one hell of a proposition. I can't see it being very popular (unless you work in the cement industry).

To cover every inch of the country would be madness. It would also take a lot of concrete. You won't catch me voting for that.

(Not that I'd support them in the first place.)

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

'...I'm Gonna Look at You 'til My Eyes Go Blind."

Over the past week or two, I’ve been on a bit of a Sheryl Crow kick, largely thanks to rediscovering her cover of one of my most-liked Bob Dylan songs. She has one of my favourite female voices, yet despite this, I only own one CD and that’s just a single (her '97 release ‘Hard to Make a Stand’); on that basis, you can only imagine how much of her back catalogue I’d own if I hated her (it would fall into minus-figures). Dylan, conversely, takes up more of my collection than anyone else, save The Beatles and Paul McCartney’s solo work. He’s one of those artists who, when you get him, you really get him - and once I’d tuned into his style as a student, I'd time and again be blown away by his lyrics; he’ll have more jaw-dropping imagery in one track than other people fit in a whole career. These days, I mostly listen to music in the morning when getting ready, and more often than not, this will consist of a suggested YouTube playlist when I’m in the bath, r...

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...

mostly david ephgrave

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