Little litter lout.


I don’t think you’ve truly witnessed evil until you’ve stood behind someone who takes litter from their pocket, throws it in the floor and then carries on walking as if nothing has happened.

This happened today, when a man in front of me pulled a bag of loose tobacco out of his jacket pocket, realised it was empty and just threw it onto the pavement.

I’m not saying he was Robert Mugabe (maybe he was; I didn’t get in front of him to get a good look at his face) – but I'm struggling to comprehend the arrogance of a person who thinks it's someone else's job to dispose of it properly.

I’m aware that people litter, I’ve just never seen it done so blatantly. There was no hesitation: 'This is just what happens', he thought. 'I throw my detritus on the floor and someone else will sort it out for me.'

Actually, that's giving him too much credit: a man who litters willfully isn’t well-educated enough to be familiar with the word ‘detritus’.

If anything, it takes more effort to be that lazy. Surely he wouldn’t do this in his own house -  but when he's outdoors (in essentially everyone else’s house), he'll discard something on-the-go and not give it another thought.

“Screw it. It’s just planet Earth: we’ve only got one of them - but that’s NOT MY PROBLEM: I’m just too busy.”

I was so stunned that it took me a couple of seconds to act. I picked up the plastic packet THAT PROBABLY WOULDN’T HAVE BIODEGRADED IN HIS OR MY LIFETIME and shouted behind him: “Don’t worry, I’ll just throw away your rubbish for you.”

He flinched and then carried on walking. If he hadn’t been crossing the road by a busy roundabout I would have confronted him properly.

I don't mind, though; I have a bit of plan on how to tackle this. Hopefully I’ll bump into him on a night out. I’ll befriend him – and ply him with drink after drink. Slowly but surely I’ll gain his trust – until, a few year’s down the line, he invites me back to his house for dinner.

It’ll be when he heads for the kitchen that I’ll strike: I’ll do a massive poo on his front room carpet and leave him to deal with it.

I like to play the long game.


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