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Wane World.

I'm struggling to motivate myself at the moment and don't know where to put my energy next.

My enthusiasm for the projects I usually depend on for a sense of forward motion has vanished (ironically along with the projects themselves), partly because I'm tired of often being alone in the driving seat. Mostly Comedy's still closed due to the pandemic and looks unlikely to reopen before the Autumn, if that. I could do with booking more interviewees so we can resume the podcast, but I'm fast running out of ideas for good people to do it, and don't know why I invest so much time on something that makes so little money and wouldn't happen if I didn't put so much energy into it. I know Glyn enjoys doing it when we do it, but being honest, I don't think he'd miss it that much if we didn't either. And after so many years being the catalyst, I long for someone to match me and occasionally take the mantle when I'm not at my best. I feel like I'm constantly blowing on a dwindling fire to keep it lit, knowing if I don't take an in-breath soon, I'll hyperventilate. A constant flame needs regular refuelling too.

It doesn't help that I still have three podcast episodes to edit, and am having technical issues with the one I'm in the middle of. And quite frankly, I'm sick of doing it for no result, except for having another one available with a good name attached to it. It's not like anyone's desperate to hear it anyway, so why bother?

What I need is some acting work to plug the gap, and bring in some money to ease my financial fears. It would also help to turn my attention to something new. Money's very tight right now, which has only been worsened by the recent bombshell that the process we've triggered to enable a potential buyer for my flat to continue to extend the lease will shortly result in a four-month countdown to us having to find £31,000 to extend it ourselves. Put simply, I don't have the money, so I'm most likely going to have to borrow against our mortgage to pay for it. And in the meantime, I'm surviving on what little I can take from the comedy club's coffers and my monthly PIP. It's a frightening time and I could do with something to ease the pressure. Though right now, I'm at a loss as to what that thing could be.

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