Chubba Chubbs.


My plans for today were hijacked when, like the tool that I am (as my dad would probably put it), I got the wrong key stuck in my front door this morning.

It could have been worse; I could have been trapped outside all day in a torrential downpour with no phone to contact anyone and no money with which to barter for goods, services or good services. Thankfully the key got lodged in the lock on my way back in, but the bizarre thing was I somehow managed to open the door with the wrong key before the key got stuck in it.

What makes it all the more frustrating was I’d only locked the door seconds before I used the wrong key. I was popping out to see if our recycling bins had been emptied (my life’s a constant onslaught of adrenalin-fuelled excitement) when I saw it was raining and turned back to get my umbrella; if I hadn’t been so loath to get my hair wet, I could have avoided the whole situation.

The first thing I did was to try to gently dislodge the key myself with the aid of some WD40 (who are my favourite UB40 tribute act) but this didn’t do the trick. I decided it would be better to phone a locksmith than risk breaking the key and forcing the whole lock to be replaced, so  - like all unhandy handy-people - I turned to the internet for someone who could fix it.

An hour or so later, the locksmith arrived and took a look at it. He initially thought he’d have to replace the lock (which would have cost the best / worst part of £250) when, by a stroke of luck, he managed to release it; I’m now indebted to him for all eternity. That’s the last time I attempt to extend the world’s lifespan by recycling anything.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Image
Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...
Read more

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...
Read more

Comedy That's Worth a Letch.

Today, I nipped to Letchworth to meet with illustrator (and one-time - two-time - comedy poet) Mushybees, to discuss an event Mostly Comedy will act as surrogate parents to as part of Letchworth’s Arts Takeover in a couple of weeks. Months ago he got into contact to see if we’d be up for co-organising a comedy stage as part of Letchworth’s weekend of arts-based attractions in July; something I’d provisionally said yes to, before things got hectic in the lead-up to Edinburgh and we didn’t take it any further. Despite not getting down to the nitty-gritty straight away, we managed to pull a line-up together in a back-and-forth of emails yesterday, leading to me getting Glyn’s blessing and us deciding we’d officially go ahead with it (whatever ‘officially’ means in this context). In reality, it’s not complicated: from 12pm until 6pm-ish on the 22 nd July, Glyn, Mushybees and I will host four Edinburgh previews from four acts (including me), before Nor...
Read more