Skip to main content

Truss No One.

While the death of the Queen last week inevitably overshadowed the arrival of the new Tory Prime Minister, Liz Truss, I hope this won't lead to decreased scrutiny.

It's hard to fathom that she's the most popular and competent candidate the Tories could rustle up to lead the UK, but I guess that's what happens when you leave the decision to 0.2% of the population. How can someone who sounds like she's voiced by Speak & Spell and curtseys like she didn't spot a dropped curb in front of her be in charge of our nuclear codes? Her speeches are more wooden than every Center Parcs put together, and the civil service nickname her the "human hand grenade", and yet she still nabs the top job. If nothing else, her promotion continues our ongoing Prime Ministerial decline. It's like watching The Doctor regenerate in the most budget way possible after switching from BBC1 to QVC. You can only fold a piece of paper seven times, and yet the Conservatives can pass from successive shit leader to shitter leader for all eternity without anyone noticing it's still the same party (who made all the mistakes each new iteration says needs fixing) in charge. To quote Alan Partridge, "They've rebadged it, you fool".

I question any Government who'll let Victorian cosplayer and climate change denier Jacob Rees-Mogg be Secretary of State for Energy while the planet cooks. I'm surprised he doesn't advocate the burning of witches as a renewable power source. I bet he has a What the Butler Saw hidden in his attic that he uses for porn.

Come back, Labour, all's forgiven.

Popular posts from this blog

Shakerpuppetmaker.

Have Parker from Thunderbirds and Noel Gallagher ever been seen in the same room? The resemblance is uncanny. So much so, I think something’s afoot. If my suspicions are correct, I've stumbled across a secret that will blow the music and puppet industry wide apart. In the mid-60s / mid-90s at least. It doesn’t take long to see the signposts. There’s the similarity between the name of Oasis’ first single, Supersonic, and Supermarianation, Gerry Anderson’s puppetry technique. The Gallagher brothers would often wear Parkas . Live Forever was clearly a reference to Captain Scarlet and Standing on the Shoulder of Giants to the size difference between Noel and his bandmates. The more you think about it, the more brazen it gets. It’s fishier than Area 51, Paul is Dead and JFK's assassination put together. The only glitch to the theory is scale . According to Wikipedia, Anderson’s marionettes were 1’10” and Gallagher is 5’8”. How does he maintain an illusion of avera...

'...I'm Gonna Look at You 'til My Eyes Go Blind."

Over the past week or two, I’ve been on a bit of a Sheryl Crow kick, largely thanks to rediscovering her cover of one of my most-liked Bob Dylan songs. She has one of my favourite female voices, yet despite this, I only own one CD and that’s just a single (her '97 release ‘Hard to Make a Stand’); on that basis, you can only imagine how much of her back catalogue I’d own if I hated her (it would fall into minus-figures). Dylan, conversely, takes up more of my collection than anyone else, save The Beatles and Paul McCartney’s solo work. He’s one of those artists who, when you get him, you really get him - and once I’d tuned into his style as a student, I'd time and again be blown away by his lyrics; he’ll have more jaw-dropping imagery in one track than other people fit in a whole career. These days, I mostly listen to music in the morning when getting ready, and more often than not, this will consist of a suggested YouTube playlist when I’m in the bath, r...

Stevenage: A (Tiny) River Runs Through it.

If ever a river was mis-sold, it’s the Roaring Meg in Stevenage. I just walked past it on my way to the retail park that has taken its name. They’re similarly uninspiring. The river is less of a roar and more of a dribble; cystitis sufferers produce greater flow. The retail park is soulless. What was once a thriving enterprise is nearly devoid of atmosphere, save an underlying essence of emptiness and despair. With a Toys R Us. When it was first built I was excited. Back then, the thought of a bowling alley, an ice rink, a Harvester and a Blockbuster Video within a small surface area was enticing. I celebrated many birthdays on site. There was an indoor cricket pitch there for a while where I once had a joint party with a friend. Why someone with an almost pathological fear of sport would agree to such a venture is beyond me, but I did it. Now, there’s very little at the Roaring Meg of note. The river would be a metaphor for the shopping ce...